- BUT IM A MAN! - Ive been bamboozled - my request was simple - a good lip treatment - balm - serum - stick - what have you - something to keep my smoochers from drying out in the desert sun - and in the process - keep them looking luscious - and dammit if I wasnt sold on something that I thought was a-okay - a lightweight cream - that maintained a good level of moisture and smoochy suppleness - it saved me in the Sahara - but horrifyingly - yesterday - while I was touting the benefits of said product - a friend interrupted harshly with a - no no no no no - and explained to me that the lip treatment by VenEffect that I was using - and praising so highly - was an phytoestrogen based product - what?!?!? - the terror that ran through my mind upon hearing that word - phytoestrogen - I saw myself growing breasts - I heard my voice getting higher - I wanted some chocolate - mortified - I wondered why the saleswoman would not have informed me of this hidden ingredient - PHYTOESTROGEN - engineered to make a woman more of a woman - what a diabolical creature - that saleswoman - I felt like that guy in the Hail to the V commercial - the one who is showering with Summers Eve - and upon this discovery needs to prove he is a man - he freaked out - I freaked out - I wanted to crush beer cans in my hand too - I wanted a lawn tractor - estrogen?!?!? - when I am nearing an age I might be wanting a little more Testosterone - what was happening to my body?!?!?! - I had used this product religiously for an entire month - then everything got blurry 1950s Sci-Fi - and while freaking out - I multi-tasked - oh shit - see there - was it starting? - my transition? - I did some research - finding that the health benefits attributed to phytoestrogens are menopausal symptom relief, as well as bone and breast health - what?!?!?! - I wanted something for my lips - the lips on my face - not on ... - was I overreacting? - probably - but then - in a hot flash - the harassment started - one co-worker called to tell me the time of my bra fitting - another texted me a picture of a vagina - with shame and humiliation - I chucked the VenEffect to the side - lamenting the future of my lips - my poor lips - what was to become of them? - oh I am all appreciative of anyone should be what you feel in any shape or form gender stuff - who cares - but - I like everything I got - just where I got it - I am a happy man - a man - so goodbye VenEffect - you - you - lady-maker - now if youll excuse me - I need to run to my gynie appointment -
Posted on: Sat, 12 Jul 2014 17:01:03 +0000
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