#1907:Honestly, Ive never expected much from people in general especially people I have school with. It just bothers me so much that I befriended this girl(Im a guy) and we were, I guess best friends? I met her during the 6th grade in middle school and we would literally just fight every single day, yelling insults at each other. I had a minor crush on her, but I guess now its just an infatuation. Then as we moved onto 7th grade, we just stopped insulting each other and fighting. We talked about a few minor things and I guess we became actual friends, well I thought we did. We talked about things like homework and sometimes even about our thoughts on another person we both knew. Then 8th grade came along, we kind of became more distanced from each other, but we became closer as friends again later on. Things have happened between us, including positive and negative things. I guess weve tried our best(well at least I did) to be as optimistic as possible towards each, especially when we would encounter problems along the way. Shes cried to me and complained to me a numerous number of times, as I would rant/complain to her as well. Senior prom and graduation came along, again we distanced each other for some reason I dont know. The summer flew by and came freshman year of high school. We go to different high schools now but during the first two months of high school, we would actually talk and meet up to hang out. We discussed things we liked and didnt like. Of course I didnt make any friends at the time and she did. She would just talk and talk about her new friends, as I just complained about the discomforts I had during school. As we talked, I felt as if I was replaced as a friend and she would only talk to me about things she didnt want others to know, especially her new friends. I knew I shouldnt have expected much from anyone, but she was an actual friend, or at least I thought. Now she doesnt bother to talk to me and just leaves me on seen, it just makes me feel retarded or dumb to even have befriended her in the first place. Ive told her things about myself I never told anyone and sometimes, I would hear things leak out from her. I never questioned her, I just assumed I must have told someone else considering I dont have much of a good memory. But yeah, I just dont like how Im just pushed to the side now, I just feel unwanted and even more lonely than ever. At this point, Im just about to lose it and Ive attempted to commit suicide before. I dont know if I should be considered lucky anymore, as I dont really feel any better than I did. Im just thinking of ways to commit suicide now and where I should, so no one would ever know, since my existence is less than of anyone else that isnt me.
Posted on: Tue, 19 Nov 2013 01:25:20 +0000
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