[27] I looked at them with eyes of disbelief. Ndaziva ndishushu maan. I breathed loud and fast ndabe ndijongiwe. Kwakukhona neeneighbours kengoku. I went to la room ebehlala kuyo ngoku ebegula. There was the bed she slept in, neatly made WITHOUT her. No she is not dead, they are just kidding i kept telling myself that. Ndasuka ndanamandla endingawazi nokuba asukaphi. Ndakhangela everywhere in the room including under the bed and inside closet. Ebengekho. Ndasuka ndanomsindo wokuba where the hell is she hiding. Ndaphuma ndaya kwezinye izindlu ndabe sendilandelwa kengoku ndingayekanga ukukhangela. Ndabuyela ezingqondweni..flash backs of her coughing helplessly in bed acele ndimgqithisele amanzi asele. The picture of her painfully thin was vivid in my mind. I broke down and cried ndabe ndiguqe ngamadolo. I saw her sister joining me. I didnt want to make her cry, my job was to comfort her but i couldnt control it. I cied until my voice was coarse. I couldnt understand why she died so soon before we reached our goals. Usweleka njani maan umntu emncinci kangaka kodwa kukhona amaxhego ko90s years who are still kicking. I felt a hand brushing my back yabangathi shes stimulating tears to flood more and more. I stood up and brushed my knees. Me: I got to go bendisitsho kuSister wakhe, she was the one who was brushing me. Sister: Im so sorry. I know how close you guys were. You were like sisters I just nodded fast, my lips were shaking. Ndathi xa ndizama ukuthetha Sister: Shhhh. She held me so tight then wandiyeka. I was calm ngoku but indlela endandiziva ngayo yayingathetheki, i had no explaination for it. I walked home dragging my feet, they were failing me too. It was like i was hit by a storm ndashiyeka ndidom nje. Ndifike kwi bedroom ndiziva ndineheadache so i decided to look for pills in my closet. First thing i saw was a top efana nekaZina. Ndaqala phantsi ukukhala. I took the top ndahlala nayo ebhedeni.Thousand memories filled my mind. I saw Zina laughing so hard at me when i almost fell on Guava tree, I saw her laughing cause she was the first one out on 30seconds game. She loved laughing a lot. It was like she was just next to me, i heard her voice. I remember the first time i heard her talk. She knew i was surprised wayendihleka and made it even deeper. She was full of life and naughty but was loved nesigezo eso sakhe. I quickly threw away the top. Andazi nam why but ndasuke ndayoyika. Xa ndivula icloset bendicimela and take time kuba ndisoyika ukuthi gqi with another item efana neyakhe. I didnt want to accept her death, i found it unfair. She deserved to stay longer. I needed people like her in my life to bring vibe. But it was little too late, kwakuthande uThixo. December 19th, day i knew what heartbreak is. I lost my twin at age of 15. Just a year before our sweet16, we had planned to combine it but again..we may make plans,decisions are not for us to make. I finally accepted that Zina was gone and i wasnt gonna see her again, i will never hear her laugh. I will not get into trouble with her again. Ndandibona ukuba ndiyasizelwa each time i go to the shops. Kaloku ndandidla ngokumkhwaza sihambe sonke sometimes so kwakuvakala theres someone missing xa ndihamba. Yakhawuleziswa yonke into kwabekwa ukuba ifuneral izakuba nge23rd December. Its 23rd December. I wore my black pencil skirt, a white semi-formal blouse and black heels(not too high). Its sunny outside, i tied a messy bun kwiTwist yam. I took my diary and left. Ndifike kugcwele ententeni, there are photos of Zina ezixhonyiweyo. I was handed iprogaramme ndayohlala phantsi. Yaqhubeka ifuneral then i was called efront. Yes, i had asked to say a word or two ndivalelise iqhawekazi. Ndifikile ngaphambili, i felt strong enough to talk, ndakhupha idiary yam and read what i had prepared. Its only yesterday when we had million visions about what well get up to in future. We planned without considering any boundaries. It pains today to know all that is a permanent a fantasy. I was consumed with denial, anger and hurt. I didnt understand Gods work. Today i stand here full of envy. I envy that at your age youve figured out your purpose in life and fulfilled it when there are old souls who still havent figured it out. It aches for i have became so comfortable with having you in my life and forgot that you are not of this world and your days were numbered. I believe the Holy spirit will comfort us for we cant help but see death of a blooming flower as tragedy. You are forever entrapped in our hearts. God put you in deep sleep for u were too valued to feel anymore pain. Lala ngoxolo my friend, twin sister i never had for your journey has come to and end My voice was shaky but i stood strong in my weakest. Ndayohlala phantsi seyidim indlela ziinyembezi. Yaqhubeka iservice and she was finally laid egadini. Like she had requested, not next to her Grandpa. Death sees no age :(
Posted on: Wed, 19 Nov 2014 09:22:24 +0000
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