#4285 I remember every morning when I was happy knowing that she woke up loving me and thinking about me. All the sleepless nights thinking about her and missing her. We are young. Being a sophomore in a small high school and her being a grade behind me didn’t help much. Seeing her in the halls for 2 minutes before classes wasn’t enough. And having limited time together outside of school probably sucked the most. We talked every day from when we got out of school tell we were asleep on the phone. I remember making her laugh over the phone and being happy when I was with her. December 21st 2014, She wasn’t performing well in school and it probably was my fault and she had just got to her mother’s house from her father’s home and her mom had been waiting for her to come home so that she could ground her for performing lackluster in school. The day prior I had taken a bus to pick her up from her father’s home and so that we could go to her mother’s to check the mail. We were to late. The mail had probably come in earlier then we had expected it was 11 am and we just didn’t get there on time. Disappointed we left and I took her home again after we had taken a few pictures for memories of course. Instead of me going back home which was another hour long bus ride back I had taken the train to her mother’s home to check the mail again. It wasn’t there again. I waited for an hour and I didn’t manage to see the mail man deliver the report card. Disappointed I went home thinking of what this means. She had warned me about this for weeks. Saying that her mother would split us up. She for sure tried. That Sunday her mother texted me saying that she had grounded my girlfriend. Her mother had taken her phone and Ipad away and any connection to the internet. So that night I had taken my old phone and had reset it and customized it to everything she needed and liked. She was sick the next day so didn’t end up going to school and I was disappointed. I was lucky enough to talk to her for 20 minutes with a sense of relief I knew that my princess was okay. December 23rd we had met up before school and had went to my home. I had surprised her with her Christmas presents and then of course the Iphone that I had fixed up for her so that she and I could talk to each other over the break. I couldn’t imagine life without talking to her. She was my most prized possession. My irreplaceable love. Days had passed and a few pointless and meaningless arguments had happened. And winter break had passed by and things seemed different. I hadn’t seen her the entire break untell the last day. I knew it would be weird at first because it had been 2 weeks since we had seen each other. But it just didn’t feel the same. I looked at the girl I loved and she looked at me and approached me a different way. It seemed like we were strangers again the way she had spoken to me and reacted to seeing me. I welcomed her with a warm big hug that I had wanted to give her since she had left me the day before Christmas Eve. We were supposed to go ice skating but sadly the place was closed. WE had argued again over why she feels different and She just said she needed time and that its weird because she hadn’t seen me in so long. But I was certain that this was not the reason. I remember our first kiss days before I asked her to be my girlfriend. And the day I asked her out. How I held her and all. The next day we had returned to our school and I had woken to the worst day of my existence. It was January 5th, 2015. 5 days before our monthly anniversary and 2 weeks before my 16th birthday. We were in school planning to go ice skating again after school. Again the rink was closed. Not knowing what to do we had went to my house. I had wanted to talk about her and I as a relationship. I talked about how hurt I felt and how I missed her so much over the break. I love this girl to the bottom of my heart. She had told me months before that her previous boyfriends didn’t love her for her. After that day I had told myself to show this girl how much I love her. I love this girl and I would risk my life for her. But sadly she wouldn’t do the same. We were talking and I had started to tear. She had as well but she had wiped them away. She had told me that she wants to break up. My heart had shattered and I had sat on the floor shaking in front of her. Our whole relationship had flashed before my eyes and seeing the girl I love telling me that she wants to leave me killed me. I had taken her to the bus stop to her home and had waited for it to leave. I had went home crying for hours alone in my room. I tried to get her back many times. She would always get angry at me now for being sad and not accepting me and her being “friends”. But you can never be just friends with someone you had fallen in love with. Her beautiful face and her beautiful eyes that I had fallen in love with now hurt me every time I see them. Seeing other guys flirt and make her laugh hurts me the most because I know that I used to do the same all the time. Im lost in my mind trapped in the love that we had that doesn’t exist anymore. I left my self-vulnerable but I was okay with that at that time. I used to say my love for her was bullet proof. But she had shot me. Maybe I scared her with how much I love her and how much I had showed that I had cared for her and how I treated her. Maybe it was my fault for being stupid enough for loving her. But how could I regret something that made me so happy and so full of life. Once she had left me I felt like I was going insane. The sort of depression I fell into was something I wasnt ready for. I never felt it before. I was sick to my stomach. The stress was overwhelming to the point where I thought about death constantly. The risk of not knowing if everything will be alright. The only thought that could put me at ease is this. if I decided I was missing out and I still came back to her, I can only hope I did that for a reason. That there is more to us than our passion or partnership. Maybe she will come back. I guess the only way to find out is to leave her be. I only hope that she will come back to me. This only teaches me patience but how long can I wait tell I fall to the constant sadness in which I just cry over a girl who doesn’t care for my existence but I am willing to die for. How can she be okay when Im broken. All the times we had cherished together. When she had fell asleep in my arms I couldn’t do anything but feel like I found my place in the world and she was the one. It was like we were puzzle pieces and she was the right fit. I love this girl and I always will. Maybe when we said we would love each other forever she meant something else. I meant it with all my heart that tell the day I rest in my grave I will love her no less then I had the first time I fell in love with her. But who knows maybe she will come back. Maybe there will be another one just like her. Another story waiting to be read. I will love her tell I rest in my grave like I had promised her because the promises I made her I will always keep being she is my princess. Through all the hard ship if she would ever come back to me I would take her back in a heartbeat no matter what I went through because it would all be worth it to fall in love with her again. Even if I would have to go through this again. Young love is something special.
Posted on: Sun, 25 Jan 2015 02:46:27 +0000