#6674 (Pisay) I am blessed in all sorts of ways. Smart, attractive, athletic, talented, Im from a very happy family, and I have an amazing social life. Trust me, I am not blowing my own horn (although it really sounds like it), people really say it to me and I choose to believe it because you know, we should believe in people once in a while. But sometimes, I just wish I wasnt this blessed. Now before this goes cocky and ungrateful, hear me out. I wish I wasnt this smart. Because when youre smart, people expect a lot from you and they wouldnt accept a mistake as a break. People go what happened to you? when you make one mistake out of the line of successes youve went through from the past. Being this smart makes you paranoid and crazy, it makes you think that life is one small cramped hole and you have to push everyone back to get your chance to breathe. The pressure is killing me, and at times I really wished I was one of those usual high school kids who never got to pass Pisay and just spend their Friday Nights going out late and going to parties and drinking beer and just having the time of their lives instead of being stuck behind a monitor, burning their eyes out for this thesis due on monday. Sometimes I wish I wasnt attractive. Despite all the attention you get (wanted or unwanted)(and all the free things you get)(and all the privileges you get), theyre nothing but an empty space without anyone to really fall in love with you for what you are. I envy all the other people who have someone wholl always have their backs, through unattractiveness or the contrary. All you ever get are meaningless chats with guys who say thats hot to everything I say either scientific or literature-related. People make ligaw to you because youre pretty and/or hot. Once they have you, they dont care about your views on life anymore, youre just some trophy girl they like displaying because hot damn! Youre hot, and that revs up their ego. And once they find a bigger trophy (with a bigger rack :/), youre left on the shelf like some consolation prize he won 3 years ago. I just wished a guy looked at me and said, Damn, I have to know her rather than (mentally) harass me first then try to know me and leave when they get a chance. I want to get Ted Mosbyd, not Barney Stinsond. And sometimes, I wish I wasnt outgoing. I want to lie on the couch, watch TV, and not get a single text for a while. Being an extrovert means being always present at every gathering, meeting different kinds of people (not to mention cliques), but I would like to be alone for a certain time being when I could go to the mall on my own, or read a book alone, or walk down the street without nodding or acknowledging someone. I want to be invisible for once and not talk. Despite every positive external opinion everyone has for me, Im just one crumpled up piece of paper lying on the desk, asking myself Your life is perfect, what else could you possibly want?. I have had people stand by me on my highest days and later pick on every weakness I have. I just wish someone would notice all my imperfections first, then dig out the little good things I have. Now Im this mess who is missing something I cant point out. Do you really want perfect? Time Submitted: Sunday, 01/11/2015, 10:39 PM
Posted on: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 06:33:05 +0000