* 7.0 Essay 네번 째 이야기..., Popular events like the Football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tension and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. 1. ielts blog에서 8.0이라며 극찬 했던 Essay를 올려 봅니다. 매우 논리적이고 정확한 표현을 사용하고 있습니다. 특히, 본론 두번 째 문단에서 브라질의 구체적인 예를 역설적으로 논리발전시키는 것에 높은 점수가 부여 되는 듯 합니다. 2. 어려운 단어 보다는 정확한 단어들을 사용해 매우 명확하게 메씨지를 전달합니다. 3. 여기에 나온 단어들은 7.0이상이 목표가 아닌 학생들이라도 꼭 모두 외우시길 추천합니다. 4. 단 본론 각 문단에 Moreover를 사용, 추가 Idea를 기술하고 있어 하나의 독립적인 Idea만 있어야 하는 문단의 기능이 저하되고 있으며 영어의 표현력도 사실 높은 수준이라기 보다는 안정된 영어를 쓰면서 완성에 목표를 두고 있습니다. 또한 글자수가 250자를 훨 넘어 350개 이상이 되어 주어진 시간 안에 쓰기에는 조금 힘들 것으로 보입니다. Every four years, the whole world stops to watch international sporting events such as the Olympics and the Football World Cup in which athletes show their best performance to make their country proud. These sporting occasions have proved to be helpful in easing international tension in difficult times when powerful leaders were trying to control the world’s economy and other governments were fighting over the land. The Olympic Games are one of the best examples which prove how sporting events can bring nations together, at least temporarily. From the ancient History, when Greeks and Romans would interrupt battles to participate in the games, to the more recent international disputes, when athletes from Palestine and Israel would forget their differences, compete peacefully and even embrace each other after an event. Moreover, these popular events have called the world’s attention to the terrible consequences of wars; thus some leaders have tried to reach agreements to end their disputes and live peacefully. Similarly, international sporting events show benefits in some developing countries which live in a daily internal civil war. For example, Brazil has a high rate of unemployment, lack of education, hunger, crime, poverty and corruption which leads to an immense embarrassment of being Brazilian and a low self-esteem. However, when the Football World Cup starts, the Brazilian squad, which is considered the best team in the world, provokes an amazing feeling of pride in their country. Most people seem to forget all their problems and even the criminal activity decreases. They paint roads with the national colors, wear the Brazilian team shirts and buy national flags. Moreover, the competition brings families and neighbors together and even rival gangs watch the games and celebrate peacefully. In conclusion, popular sporting events play an important role in decreasing international tensions and liberating patriotic feelings as history has shown. *모든 저작권은 Ielts Blog에 있습니다~~
Posted on: Tue, 03 Sep 2013 08:18:02 +0000
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