#834 So this confession is something Ive just recently started admitting to myself. I feel like I crave love. Not just oh were friends of course I love you and not Love you call you later girl! Like, I look for the feeling of someone actually being in love with me. That should be normal right? As humans its natural to want to be loved. Well heres where it gets weird. I KNOW that I have someone that loves me. The fact that hes not here should be fine. But everywhere Ive moved Ive always, no joke, first thing singled out some guy I think would fall for me or that I think Id like. I try really hard to stay away and then shit happens. Either we end up together or its this weird drawn out game of he tries to leave and be done with me or I try to leave and I somehow get him to stay or I give in and stay. I think I get high off the feeling of winning. The fact that I can make you want to stay is what makes me feel good. Knowing that you love me, even if I dont feel completely the same, makes me feel good. I get so good at lying, most of the time without meaning too, that sometimes I get lost in the lies too and I start to believe them. Then later I kick myself about whats going on and I try to stop but the feeling of being loved and knowing I made you love me is so seductive I just cant stop. I feel like a sick person and I dont want to be like this anymore.
Posted on: Sun, 27 Oct 2013 18:47:38 +0000