***A BRIEF (Very Brief) HISTORY OF THE WORLD*** with your host Fremont T Gorilla Professor of World (and Martian) Historie Emeritus 100 years ago today Basque separatist shot George Gobbels in Sarajevo Switzerland in the groin, causing him much discomfort. This made Abraham Lincoln release the serfs in Latvia and give them the portable moose call licensing franchise gratis for 9 years, thus giving King Olav the Pasty a free hand to march on Peking (Beijing, or as we know it, Beijing) where Edgar Winter was writing his book with Mao, Lohg Dam Woo Fai Wei Mahng Fai Gyp whei Zip Nookie Tu, which translates, Fortune Smiles on the Grumpy. Then Ronald McDonald became the international symbol for millions of homeless penguins thereby starting WWI and sinking the Falkland Island (really pissing off the King and Queen of Norway, who didnt even realize they still had a country!) This action created a hole in the Sea of Japan which caused a sucking sound in Kansas, drawing the US into the war. During this time, the Gigantic ran into the Lucytania and much luggage was lost. Winston Churchill became Sir Screaming Lord Such and was banned from Parliament due to funkadelics. WWI was such a rousing success, the sequel was staged. Casting calls went out and Charlie Chaplin got the starring role as the head Kraut with the Goodyear blimp in a supporting role as Herman Goering...The Cold-cut Wars were fought between Oscar Meyer and The Hillshire Conspiracy. Many a ham and smoked-turkey gave their lives in the cause of sandwich. Then came Korea and Viet Nam, which were probably there to begin with but, who knew? Ike was elected, but then again, who knew?...Lee Harvey Oswald Patton took a shot at Richard Nixon, causing him to erase the part of the Drew Carey Show where they revealed why JR Ewing killed the Pope in the Conservatory with the rope. Believe ME...all of America was MAD! Then Orson Bean produced a movie called Rosebuns about the Sopranos kidnapping the Lindbergh baby in Jersey City, and it scared the Willie Hortons out of everybody so they banned white bread for a while...and the cabinet makers shot a duck for reciting Spanish limericks on the Vatican steps during Ramadan. Then the Hindus rioted during the Tet offensive, setting a Buddhist monkey on Firing Line atop William F Buckleys knee while he smoked a joint with Lamb Chops on her yacht ...I shudder to think! Charles de Gaulle made an incredibly shrewd political decision to expire of natural causes ... Germany reunified...at which point the French reopened their white-flag factories and the Lowland countries began repaving highways through the Ardennes Forest ... George Clooney became President and Bill Clinton was ejected from an NBA game for fighting with Lebron over a Snickers bar they found under the scorers bench...Both men were later seen at Disneyland trying to pick up underage chicks... Well...that brings us pretty much up to date... This late update...CHARLES DE GAULLE REMAINS CRITICALLY DEAD. I TOLD you the guy was savvy... Your ol pal, El Fremo the Magnifico The girls say Hi...
Posted on: Sun, 29 Jun 2014 16:28:26 +0000
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