[Ascends podium agent by his side] Ladies and gentleman...and Andy Watson... [cameras shuttering]. I have an announcement to make. [more cameras] Yesterday, [shuttering] on what should have been my most hateful day ever [murmuring] I failed to achieve maximum hate density. [audible gasp] You see...I was practicing for gigs on Thursday night. as well as the weekend, when I took my eye off of the hate ball. And now that prick, Jeter, was handed a glorious last merchandising day at Wall st, I mean Yankee Stadium, and I missed my chance to comment on this made-for-TV event. I would have liked to have seen Billy Crystal in his City Slickers chaps with no underwear on all fours kneeling at Jeets feet squealing like a pig. But I missed it. Ill have to put that behind me. Ill also never get to comment on Suzyn Waldman giving Jeet a sponge bath in a gold plated bathtub in the infield (made possible with a donation from State Farm) while praising his WAR and intangibles. No, that ship has sailed. In the future I promise to right the ship and deliver to you all the hate that you have become accustomed to. Thank you and God bless the United States of America.
Posted on: Fri, 26 Sep 2014 17:39:25 +0000
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