*Darkness* “You know Ashish, I am scared of the light. I am scared of everything that is white. I am scared of the bright sunlight. I am scared of the dazzling Christmas bulbs. Spring scares me. I don’t like anything which shines. I am scared of everything which is beautiful. I am scared of everything which makes me happy. Why should anyone be fond of the light? It’s the dark which brings me peace. Once upon a time, I was afraid of the dark. Power-cuts terrified me. I never watched horror movies. But now, all I like is the dark. I was only twenty when I eloped with your father. I loved him dearly. It was a beautiful, bright day when I wanted to tell him that I was pregnant with you. I was going to tell him that we are going to have a baby. But do you know Ashish how he reacted? He asked me to drop the baby. He asked me to abort you. And that was something I’d never do. Your father left us because he was scared of what everybody would say. I was a twenty year old unwed pregnant woman. I went to my parents but they were enraged. They asked me to never see them again. Their ego was important to them than their daughter. Scarred by rejections by the people who I loved the most, I came back to the house your father and I shared. I did not have the courage to face anyone. I locked myself inside the house. The nights gave me relief. I cried myself to sleep. It was then, I found a friend in the darkness. I made friends with silence whose noise was deafening. I fell in love with my shadow because it promised to follow me everywhere. I fell in love with the empty streets and vacant parks. The mornings were scary. They would remind me of the scars on my soul. But Ashish, since you have come into my life, I like opening the windows and letting a bit of sunlight creep in. I am trying to get used to your crying. I am trying to open up to the beautiful yet intimidating sight of people having fun in the park. I am learning to fall in love with myself again. I am trying to smile. Happiness still scares me, but I’ll smile so that you smile back at me. I lost everything in life, but I’m glad they left. They left so that you could live. And when you live, I live too. --Sreyasi Verma
Posted on: Sun, 16 Nov 2014 17:55:37 +0000
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