#Female #Confession # 08 I dont know what to say or where to start, and am feeling weird Im actually typing this now. Anyway, Im a 27 year-old girl, who in the exterior, is good-looking, holder of a decent university degree, working in a somehow decent place. In the interior however, its not that much fun. To cut it short, the problem is that im literally lonesome. My father, the only one in the family I might have ever felt closer to, passed away like 6 years ago, and ever since ive been consumed by a terrible feeling of loneliness. My mother is an elderly and theres not much of intimate communication between us, my siblings, both way older than me, are already married and busy having their own lives. I have friends, but just shallow friendships, I also came across a few relationships that were as much shallow or passing. Sometimes its others fault, some more other times its mine for i know its difficult for me to let people in. I used to be... well, more patient, hopeful, faithful or stronger, which am not anymore. The issue is that recently some strange, wicked thoughts are haunting my mind. An unstoppable urge to chuck it all in; quit my job; cut the remaining of my friendships and commit suicide is gaining control over me. Its like theres a nagging voice that keeps reproaching and blaming: what are you waiting for? do you still think tomorrow will be different? what are you still doing here? Only God knows (and sometimes I doubt it) how torturing it is living with such a voice inside. So many times did i write my resignation and was about to submit it. I bought a bunch of sleeping pills Im planning to swallow when suicide is surely the only option left, i set an every night reminder on my cell phone, reassuring me that its ok since i can end it all and commit suicide. Sometimes im gripped by some frenzies where i go really angry, smash things, hurt people, and it feels like the simple act of being is unbearably torturing. Im not seeking help, advice, solutions, suggestions, consolation anymore. None can help anymore (not even a psychiatrist.) Im seeking your prayers and the hope that putting this burden in words may be of any relief. Thank you.
Posted on: Sat, 01 Nov 2014 09:50:54 +0000