“Goodbye Daddy” Your funeral was wonderful, I thought. Your three Brothers and Cousin Joe came! Uncle Don, Uncle Jim, and Uncle Chuck. And Your other Family came too! Brother-in-law Tony and Debbie’s Mommy, and I apologize for having such a hard time remembering other new names, but two other Nice Ladies was there too. I thought You looked very peaceful, and You even had a Happy Smile on Your face! My Favorite part was the Honor Guard!!! They fired twenty-one shots, and played “Taps” in the distance! I shared with them all the paper Colonel Scotto wrote about You. The Boys had tears in their eyes as they performed their duties for You Daddy. The Young Boy who presented Your Wife with Your American Flag; because of the paper I showed him, he had tears down his cheeks and his lips quivered as he stammered to say his lines to Debbie Mommy. I know that through Your testimony which went back with those American Boys, You will continue to inspire other Soldiers to be as Brave and as Honorable as You! I think that now that they have read about You and their hearts have fallen in love with You Daddy; You now have several more Soldier Sons! And I don’t mind sharing my Daddy; because if I could, I would Give everyone a Daddy like You!!! You taught me to be Brave and Strong and to *always* Share Unconditional Love with *everyone*! When I was too dumb to graduate, Your raising taught me to fight for my GED. Even though my brain cannot process numbers at all; I quoted all the times tables and division tables for a whole week, and I had them just long enough to pass the GED, and days later I forgot them all again. My brain just doesn’t know how to hold onto numbers at all. But, again, I did it all over again; a few months later I fought to pass the ASVAB; and I got it one point from being too dumb to be accepted in the military - I made it in by one single point! People often think I’m being self-abusive when I say, “I am dumb, I am stupid.” But, actually it’s just the Truth, I don’t want people to get upset when I don’t perform like an average person does. But I took what You taught me and drove myself as hard as I could; to the brink of mental exhaustion; and I was one of the very very few rare Seamen who got to do the work of a Third Class Petty Officer! Before the adverse reaction to the Anthrax Vaccine struck me Chief Warrant Officer Brown wanted to recommend me for OCS training! I was one step away from achieving the walking in Your footsteps I so desired to! All I ever wanted was to be just like You Daddy! People just don’t know or realize or understand how dumb I am actually; because I press past all my limitations to become like You Daddy! Some people may find my post offensive; but, it’s for You, not them. If others do not accept my limitations and the reality of the Facts I could not get high enough grades to graduate high school, I failed my GED first run, and *everyone* thought I would *never* get one in Job Corps! I scored the lowest a person can score on the ASVAB and be accepted in the military! I had to read the same advancement books in the Navy over and over and over and over before I could use my memory to bypass my inability to learn! That’s what I did, I used my powerful memory processor to memorize the books, and then I pulled them up page by page, like a hidden mental ‘cheat sheet’ inside my mind, to give the answers needed to advance! But it wasn’t cheating Sir; they gave absolutely no rules about photographically memorizing the pages and using the pages inside my imagination! They specifically said we could not write the material anywhere ‘physically’ and ‘physically’ look at it during the tests. So, I don’t think it was cheating, that was the *only* strength I had; being able to mentally photograph pages and information and look at them inside my imagination. Instead of words on paper I made imaginary scenes of Sailors performing the correct duties; so every question I would look to my imagination to see what the imaginary Sailor I created inside my imagination was doing and circle that answer on the test! So, what other people miss out on most is the Miracle of *everything* that I have done, in spite of, who I really am! Because You taught me, Daddy, to *never* give up! Even after Your marriage failed, You went back and made Friendz with Mommy! I don’t know any other Family where exs and additional spouses all hang out together! Mommy found Carl Daddy, and You found Debbie Mommy! And everyone found a way to forget *all* the mistakes and just be Friendz! God had a different plan for me though. I didn’t get to be Chief Warrant Officer like You; but I spent lots and lots and lots of time with You instead!!! You came and visited me often in my disability assisted living place! The last years was the Best years! Me and You and Debbie Mommy and Terry Allen hanging out and laughing and having FUN together! Terry’s working with his Daddy now, in Anderson County Rescue. Terry’s Daddy is also Chief, Terry’s Daddy is Terry Allen Sr. Chief of Anderson County Rescue Squad. We have much in common, we both have same name as our Daddy’s and we both have a Chief Daddy! But now my Chief Daddy is deployed once again; but this time, You won’t be coming back. Because on the flip side, this was Your Tour of Duty on earth; and now You’ve finally gone Home to be with Holy Daddy and Lord Jesus Christ; and to be with Your Mommy and Daddy!!! I think that’s why You looked so peaceful and Happy! Emberly gave You a red rose for Your hands to hold, it looked so Beautiful and Precious! When they closed Your casket and drew Your Flag over it, I gave You a standing Salute; just like they taught me in the Navy! Then I cried because I will miss You lots! But mostly I cried because I was sooo Happy that You made it to Paradise now, no more suffering, no more sorrows, no more burdens to bare. Your Tour of Duty is now complete on earth, so forevermore You will have the rest that You have earned and deserve Chief Howell! I asked for the framed picture of Colonel Scotto’s words about You, and I also got a framed picture of You dressed up as Chief Warrant Officer! And see, what most of all that I cried about was, that America no longer has her Warrior Chief, Chief Warrant Officer Thomas Joseph Howell. For me it’s as sad as when we lost General Gorge S. Patton. So much is lost in the Nation as a whole, when we lose our Best Warriors! But I don’t think that even General Gorge S. Patton can hold a candle to Your service Daddy! Even all those great movie star action heroes in their heroic movie tales can’t even come close to battling Leukemia cancer, and deploying into active combat theater with only a lung and a half! Only my Daddy could be so stubborn, dedicated, and Honorable a True American Warrior!!! And You done it because You Cared about Your Country and about Your Men! And all those Hollywood goofballs, I laugh at them, in their fancy movies; and say, “You aint nothn compared to my Daddy!!” My Daddy doesn’t call himself a hero, he is a Hero!!! And it is my Hopes that the paper I shared with the Honor Guard will go back to inspire many Soldiers of America, to at the least, be half as Brave and Courageous and Dedicated as You were Daddy!!! After everything that happened to me, it was mostly for You that I fought to claw my way back up! The only reason I fought so hard to get out of medical diapers, was for You Daddy! I don’t want to be some disabled, disability person! I’m more broken and cast down than ever before in all of my whole life on earth; but somehow I will find a way to keep going forward, to bring myself back up, to live up to Your Great name and Honorable reputation! I am Your only blood son; and most Daddy’s, I suppose would be disappointed, ashamed, and angry with having an only son like me. I’ve fought more than a ferocious bear just to get only a quarter of a way near having a successful functioning life. But You *always* LUVed me Daddy!!! You were *never* ashamed of me! You LUVed me with all Your heart! You took all the time and all the patience to teach me how to break out of mental retardation. Nobody even knew I was handicapped most of my life; because I learned how to measure and build and draw and repair and make. You inspired me to find my strengths and maximize them! I can’t calculate numbers with my brain, it just won’t and can’t; but my imagination has a photographic memory processor; and so I learned to take mental pictures of where measurements go and what boards look like when they’re finished; size, shape, length! In Job Corps my first trade school was Carpentry, I was one of the Best! But when I found out a completion test was required, I switched to Business Clerical because I’ve been naturally born with the Gift of writing! You always said, “Find out what You’re good at and do that!” Well in closing, I would say that I am horribly awful at talking to people. It’s like Mathematics; the ability just isn’t there. Other people say, You talk good, You don’t sound that bad. But, the point is; look at how much I say with keys - all of what I want to say doesn’t get to my talking processor. It mainly runs reflex responses, it’s like a sound board mostly, just playing back memorized tones. When I actually try to make more in-depth words I get a severe headache in my head the whole time I try to think in words instead of in pictures. Others just don’t understand; because You have to be Autistic to even know what the description of such a problem is like! Sending word thoughts to my voice box gives me severe headaches and I learned to get used to it, it’s always been that way. But at Your funeral I *knew* it would be improper if Your only blood born son didn’t speak something! So, I Prayed the Lord Jesus that He would speak through me, Give me the words to say, by His Spirit in me! And so I spoke words for You Daddy at Your funeral in front of all peoplez there! And then I Offered one of my talents which I don’t often at all prefer to share with others; because You taught me to be Humble and Grateful, and to not put myself above others. And many of my unique talents cause people to applaud me. But; being Your Special Moment, Daddy, I sang “Amazing Grace” for You! I sang with all my Gift and Ability; unveiling the secret of my Precious singing abilities and talent and skills. Most of the time, only God, the Lord, hears me sing inside my apartment. Because God enjoys my singing and is Wise to not make a big deal of it; because Humility is the most Valuable and Precious thing found on earth! The paper I gave to the Honor Guard about You and the song I sang for You were my Gifts of Respect for You Daddy! Yet, now I must say “Goodbye”. ~ I will always and forever LUV You Daddy, always and forever Daddy, My True American Warrior Chief Soldier! 07
Posted on: Sun, 18 Aug 2013 02:45:33 +0000
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