[I M A G I N E] Title: Can I love you a little bit more? {P A R T 4} “Does it hurt a lot?” I asked Kris as I sat by him. Kris looked down at the needles that pierced his skin and then back at me, turning his head away. “A little,” he replied. “It hurts towards the beginning but you eventually get used to it. Why?” he smiled. “Would you like to get one also?” I looked at his arm and took in the redness surrounding the developing tattoo. “It’s nice and all, but I’m a bit of a coward when it comes to pain.” The final exams had also signalled a looser schedule for the seniors and thus, many of us ceased to wake up early in the morning and rush to school. Despite being on edge regarding university acceptance letters, I had found nothing else to do apart from going out with Ji Sun who was more than eager to know as much as possible about Kris and I. Of course, there was very little I could tell her because after all, we were only beginning as I liked to put it. It was a little past midday when Kris had invited me to tag along with him as he came to the decision that one of his graduation gifts would be a tattoo. I was a little sceptical at first despite my liking towards (certain) tattoos but what could one tattoo do except make Kris even more irresistible, if such thing was possible? Upon agreeing to his invitation, Kris had swiftly arrived at the front door of the apartment complex and I quickly dashed out, hoping and praying I looked good enough to greet Kris, let alone be with him. The gradual progress our relationship, if I may refer to it as such, was sweet and enjoyable. Our dates would be simple and short, most of them involving walks by the Han River or even accompanying Kris to the dance studio. Every now and then, he’d get me to look over some of the lyrics and help him tweak it every now and then but I did not press my ideas much- I liked the simplicity and sincerity in the words that were assembled so beautifully by all the six boys. Our longest outing together was the second Saturday of June when Kris had called me out to announce he had two tickets for the Doosan Bear baseball match- that evening, I came to know Kris really enjoyed baseball. Besides his sweet and gentleman demeanour (as expected), Kris also knew to give me my own time to myself and to Ji Sun. At times, when we wouldn’t meet over the course of a whole day, he’d text to ask whether I had eaten or tell me what he did through the day. I realize, however, as I sat and watched the ink form the shape of Kris’ tattoo on his upper arm, that maybe, I knew more about Kris than he knew about me- subliminally. Kris had intentionally allowed me to know him more and the more I heard about his heartbreak, the more I wanted to envelop myself around him but I found it hard to initiate any physical touches with him. Despite being taller, Kris seemed fragile. Especially when he talked so beautifully of love. “It just happened,” Kris said with a serene smile as he ate another spoonful of patbingsu. “I woke up one day and she called me over. I realize now that I was a bit like one of those lost puppies in search for their owner whenever she would meet me. I suppose I just happened to have self directed myself to the wrong person.” At this, Kris looked at me but automatically, my eyes looked down at the ice cream and I took a spoonful also. “She had her bags packed and told me she was leaving to go to Europe for getting a scholarship in a prestigious fashion college. She wouldn’t delay it and wait for me to finish my senior year...” “I can’t possibly imagine what you went through, Kris, I’m sorry...” Kris shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your place to say sorry.” He smiled, a warmer smile which had me hooked immediately and I could not tear my eyes away from him this time. “I wouldn’t have met you. I wouldn’t have been able to rid you of your own pain because of me. I should be the one apologizing.” “No!” I said a little too loudly and quickly; my cheeks felt hot and I knew I was blushing. “It’s... It’s not your fault. I get carried away easily and...and well, I don’t want to burden you with my petty love and-“ “It’s not petty. It’s your love I adore.” My heart skipped a beat and I only realized I was holding my breath when Kris’ face was inches away from mine. Our cold, sweet breaths collided from slightly parted lips and his eyes were slightly closed. He was so close and I was so thankful we were sitting down because otherwise, I would of lost my balance and eventually result in cowering away in shame. The sound of Kris’ silver spoon against the glass bowl was louder than usual in my ears, the sound amplified. His soft, cold hand pressed against my cheek lightly and his thumb grazed over my lips. I was blinking fast, trying to keep my eyes open and away from being the one that initiated the kiss because this was so much more different. This, I told myself, would be our first proper kiss. Would be, unless I did something stupid. My shoulders tensed again. Immediately, Kris shook his head ever so slightly. “Get carried away...” he whispered against my lips. “Slowly...” I felt my head move but it wasn’t in a nod. Kris had closed the gap between us and I was kissing him. We were kissing. The butterflies fluttered in my stomach again just as blood rushed up to my cheeks but my eyes were closed and my heart was content. Kris tasted good on my lips and I was sure it wasn’t simply because of the ice cream. His thumb now brushed over my cheek and my hand slithered to his free one, my fingers barely touching his; Kris was quick, yet again, and intertwined our fingers together. I couldn’t help, however, to wonder if the girl that had brought about his heartbreak enjoyed his kisses and soft touches as much as I had. What a stupid girl she must have been regardless of her entry at a prestigious college in Europe... Kris was heavenly but, I recalled thinking selfishly, he was my heaven and I knew better than to crush his dreams- that is, if I played a role in his dreams regardless of whether it was a big one or a small one. When we parted from the kiss to catch our breaths, Kris chuckled lightly and I found myself smiling as his nose brushed against mine. “You taste good,” he pointed out in a hushed voice. “It’s because of the ice cream...” I mumbled. “No, no,” Kris shook his head, “youtaste good.” That same evening, Kris would not let go of how “nicely flushed” my cheeks were. Kris stood up from the seat nearly two hours later and admired the work of art on his forearm. He turned to me, an expression of pure satisfaction and displayed the tattoo to me. It seemed like a scorpion but I couldn’t help but cringe inwardly at the redness of the pale skin around it- it had seemed painful enough yet Kris was able to bear it just perfectly. I wondered then, very discreetly, if he had any other tattoos. My excuse of wondering about it was my age- I was eighteen and it was only natural. Right? “You know,” Kris said suddenly, catching my attention away from his new permanent tattoo, “I remember you told me how much you wanted a tattoo.” His eyes twinkled and he smiled again. “I don’t want to force you into it, but it’s really now or never.” One hour and plenty of lip biting later, Kris walked out of the parlour with a scorpion tattoo on his upper forearm and I with a trail of stars quarter way down my back. Although it was an on-the-spot decision, I figured that if anything, this would be my reminder of Kris, regardless of anything; it would be my sweet reminder of my first real love that I had accepted so gladly in my life. “Won’t your parents say anything?” I asked as we strolled down the street. “Not really,” Kris shook his head. “We’re close but they’re in and out of the house during weekdays. Saturday and Sunday nights are the only times when we actually sit together to catch up but at least it’s working out nicely and so far so good. I’m pretty sure a little something like this would not disturb them at all. Yours?” I shook my head. “They’re pretty aware of my want for a tattoo.” At that, Kris looked at me; his hand wrapped around my shoulders, careful to not touch the sore skin. “Why stars?” he asked. “I really don’t know,” I answered after a minute of silence. “I really like stars, I suppose. As bad and girly as it sounds, I actually do spend nights just sitting up, not doing anything but star gazing.” “So it helps you relax?” “It helps me think.” I pressed a smile. “Because I worry so much about things, I think I just mentally shut down. Star gazing is calming and besides,” I looked up at Kris, “stars are pretty.” “Teach me how.” “What?” I chuckled. “It’s not really something I can teach.... It’s not something awfully interesting like your dancing or your rapping. I think it’s more of a....stress relief technique. And besides....” my tone of voice dropped slightly, “isn’t that a little... I don’t know, stupid?” “On the contrary,” Kris shook his head, “it’s an interesting concept. The stress relief we’re normally taught would involve taking deep breaths, reading a good book or going for a walk. Sure, they’re good but everyone does that nowadays. I don’t like following the crowd. So for a while, I’ll follow your way.” If the feeling of floating towards cloud nine had not been emphasised enough for me yet, I was beginning to feel it. Every time Kris would intertwine our fingers gently as though he was unsure, I felt my hand perfectly fit his; every time he did something as little as question the smallest of things about me, our relationship began developing just a small step further. The element of simplicity wrapped itself around our relationship yet everything we did was memorable. I was thankful enough Kris did not come to ask about my apparently one-sided love for him. I figured that if he did, my answer would be lost amongst stutters because I’d be so embarrassed. I, however, was far more curious than I thought I was and so, I managed to boldly ask him how it happened that we became what we were. “It was just you. I think the first time I truly noticed you as an individual rather than just another classmate was when you were announced to be the highest scorer in our Language and Literature exam. It was your intelligence that caught my eye; your sweet looks were a bonus.” The flattery had, undoubtedly, made my knees feel weak. “I like your intelligence because it seems like it’s just an uncommon features in some girls nowadays. They seemed to have been taken over by an obsession with aesthetics.” “I think they’re just rooting for your attention,” I admitted. “They’re doing it the wrong way, in that case,” Kris replied with a casual shrug. “Maybe it’s because they’re intimidated by your looks, because, you know...” I trailed off. Kris stopped and tugged me along with him. He faced me and a little playful smile played on his lips. “Because what?” he asked, looking down at me with curious eyes. “Because... Just because. You know why.” “No,” Kris shook his head, teasing, “I really don’t know. Please tell me, Min Ji.” I looked at Kris and returned his smile. Shaking my head, I decided to play along and simply let his please hanging. But as he continued teasing, a few drops of rain landed on my bare arm and before Kris and I knew it, heavy rain began pouring and we were caught right in the middle of it. We dashed through the street, through the crowds of people that flicked open their emergency umbrellas or pulled their hoods up. Kris held my hand tightly and I quickly ran as he directed us to nearby shelter. As soon as we reached to stand underneath the shelter of a bus, I heard Kris laugh and I turned to him. His laugh was melodious and his face lit up in joy and delight. I could not contain my own laughter and we both stood there, amongst the crowd that squashed together under the tiny bus shelter. Once our laughter died and the heavy rain replaced the silence, I found myself shivering in Kris’ hold. Somehow, in the midst of squeezing closely together and laughing at our absurd running, we found ourselves tangled in a cold, wet hug. My wet t-shirt clung to my torso whilst rain drops dripped down from the tips of my hair. As I rested my head against Kris’ chest, feeling more exhausted than I thought I was, I listened to his heartbeat slow down as he began catching his breath. My eyelids fluttered as they felt heavier but I managed to hold back a yawn. I felt Kris gently brush his hands against my back but I shivered under his touch. “I’ll take you home,” Kris offered as soon as the bus arrived. “It’s okay, besides, what about your car?” I asked but Kris simply gave me a gentle push to enter the bus and so I did. “I’ll pick it up in the morning. I’m sure public transport won’t kill me. Let’s sit here.” Kris held my hand again and tugged me towards two free seats at the back. He held on to my hand throughout the whole journey and occasionally, I stole glances at him as he looked ahead or outside the window. It was no surprise to me that even soaked to the skin, Kris looked sublime. He ruffled his hair gently and droplets of rain scattered a across his already wet shoulders. Kris, from the way his shirt clung to his body, was slender. My eyes wondered off to the window and outside, the rain was still pouring but it had become quieter. By the time we stepped off the bus, only a few scattered showers were still pouring every now and then; even so, we were both soaked and shivering. “Hold on,” I said just as we were about to cross the road. “What?” Kris asked but I didn’t answer and instead, I walked right inside the store nearby the bus stop. When Kris had reached me, I was holding a packet of glow in the dark stars. Surprised, Kris looked at me and I quickly held out the shapes to him. “What are these for?” Kris chuckled. “Glow in the dark stars for your ceiling, obviously,” I noted with a small laugh. “Because they’re much easier to look at in the night and their glow is nearer. They don’t have the same pretty glow, of course, but they’re good duplicates for when it’s too cloudy outside for the stars to glow.” Kris looked at the packet, the same amused expression plastered on his sharp, definite pictures and then he took it from my hands, examining it. After looking back at me, Kris placed his finger under my chin and tipped my head back a little. Softly and ever so gently, he brushed his lips against my forehead; the kiss was so warm, so loving that I found myself biting back a big grin. “In that case,” Kris murmured as his lips moved to my cheek, “maybe you should be the one helping me to put them on my ceiling.” “W-what...” I mumbled. Kris smiled and continued, “then we’ll fix some on your ceiling too. So the stars can be closer to you also.” But my star was close. My star was standing right before me. (c) Admin Emma plz dont copy :) Admin Emma
Posted on: Sun, 24 Nov 2013 13:41:58 +0000
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