* I found this great article about conflict resolution that I wanted to put some meat (scripture) on: Article: Conflict Resolution Skills Learn Core Skills for Resolving Personal and Professional Conflicts Chad Adding Scripture: * Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. BLESSED ARE THE PEACEMAKERS, FOR THEY SHALL BE CALLED SONS OF GOD. Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5:3-12 NASB) Article: Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. Learning how to deal with conflict—**rather than avoiding it**—is crucial to strengthening the bond between people. By learning these skills for conflict resolution, you can keep your personal and professional relationships strong and growing. Chad Adding Scripture: * Learning how to deal with conflict - rather than avoiding it - is crucial..., is exactly what Jesus said: Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. (Matthew 5:23, 24 NASB) Chads comment: * There are some situations that are complicated by various factors that can make it seem unclear or even seem unwise to try to resolve that particular conflict but Jesus makes it pretty simple. In any conflict we are having in the church, we simply need to ask ourselves, Does a brother or sister in Christ have something against me? If so, more than likely, according to Jesus, you should pretty much put reconciling with that person as your first priority! Again, I am sure we could think up scenarios that this may not apply, like if someones safety is at risk or if the person having a problem with you is mentally and spiritually questionable, etc. Seeking advice from spiritual people or even trained professionals can help us sort out all of this. Chad Adding Scripture: Without consultation, plans are frustrated, But with many counselors they succeed. (Proverbs 15:22 NASB) rec·on·cile ˈrekənˌsīl/ verb past tense: reconciled; past participle: reconciled 1. restore friendly relations between. she wanted to be reconciled with her father synonyms: settle ones differences, make (ones) peace, make up, kiss and make up, bury the hatchet, declare a truce her divorced parents have reconciled Article: Conflict occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences appear trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is often at the core of the problem. These needs can be a need to feel safe and secure, a need to feel respected and valued, or a need for greater closeness and intimacy. Conflicts arise from differing needs. Everyone needs to feel understood, nurtured, and supported, but the ways in which these needs are met vary widely. *Differing needs for feeling comfortable and safe create some of the most severe challenges in our personal and professional relationships*. Think about the conflicting need for safety and continuity versus the need to explore and take risks. You frequently see this conflict between toddlers and their parents. The child’s need is to explore, so the street or the cliff meets a need. But the parents’ need is to protect the child’s safety, so limiting exploration becomes a bone of contention between them. The needs of both parties play important roles in the long-term success of most relationships, and *each deserves respect and consideration*. In personal relationships, a lack of understanding about differing needs can result in distance, arguments, and break-ups. In workplace conflicts, differing needs are often at the heart of bitter disputes, sometimes resulting in broken deals, fewer profits and lost jobs. **When you can recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs and become willing to examine them in an environment of compassionate understanding, it opens pathways to creative problem solving, team building, and improved relationships**. * To me, this is possibly the most important point of this article. I will just copy and paste it once more because I believe it will speak for itself: **When you can recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs and become willing to examine them in an environment of compassionate understanding, it opens pathways to creative problem solving, team building, and improved relationships**. Chad Adding Scriptures: * Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; **do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others*. (Philippians 2:1-4 NASB) * In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12 NASB) Article: Conflict 101 A conflict is more than just a disagreement. It is a situation in which one or both parties perceive a threat (whether or not the threat is real). **Conflicts continue to fester when ignored**. Because conflicts involve perceived threats to our well-being and survival, they stay with us until we face and resolve them. We respond to conflicts based on our perceptions of the situation, not necessarily to an objective review of the facts. Our perceptions are influenced by our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs. Conflicts trigger strong emotions. If you aren’t comfortable with your emotions or able to manage them in times of stress, you won’t be able to resolve conflict successfully. Conflicts are an opportunity for growth. When you’re able to resolve conflict in a relationship, it builds trust. You can feel secure knowing your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements. Do you fear conflict or avoid it at all costs? If your perception of conflict comes from frightening or painful memories from previous unhealthy relationships or early childhood, you may expect all present-day disagreements to end badly. You may view conflict in relationships as demoralizing, humiliating, dangerous, and something to fear. If your early life experiences also left you feeling out of control and powerless, conflict may even be traumatizing for you. If you view conflict as dangerous, it tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you go into a conflict situation already feeling extremely threatened, it’s tough to deal with the problem at hand in a healthy way. Instead, you are more likely to shut down or blow up in anger. Chads Comment: * I have personally found the above statements to be so true and I have reacted in both those ways (many times) in various conflicts. Article: Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving conflict Unhealthy: An inability to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person Chad Adding Scripture: * do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4 NASB) * In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12 NASB) Article: Healthy: The capacity to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person Unhealthy: Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions Healthy: Calm, non-defensive, and respectful reactions *Unhealthy: The withdrawal of love, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of abandonment Healthy: A readiness to forgive and forget, and to move past the conflict without holding resentments or anger Unhealthy: An inability to compromise or see the other person’s side Healthy: The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing Unhealthy: The fear and avoidance of conflict; the expectation of bad outcomes **Healthy: A belief that facing conflict head on is the best thing for both sides** Chads comments: * Not only is facing conflict head on best for both sides but it is also (and more importantly) best for the church. Chad Adding Scripture: * Now I exhort you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all agree **and that there be no divisions among you**, but that you be made complete in the same mind and in the same judgment. (1 Corinthians 1:10 NASB) * Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, *being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace*. There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:1-6 NASB) Chads Comments: * This is to me another extremely important point. Avoiding conflict is unhealthy for all involved (and the negative affects will most likely spread to others in our lives like a disease). Chad Adding Scripture: See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; **that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled**; (Hebrews 12:15 NASB) Article: When handled in an unhealthy manner, conflict can cause irreparable rifts, resentments, and break-ups. But when conflict is resolved in a healthy way, it increases our understanding of one another, builds trust, and strengthens our relationship bonds. If you are out of touch with your feelings or so stressed that you can only pay attention to a limited number of emotions, you won’t be able to understand your own needs. And, if you don’t understand your own needs, you will have a hard time communicating with others and staying in touch with whats really troubling you. For example, couples often argue about petty differences–the way she hangs the towels, the way he slurps his soup–rather than what is really bothering them. The ability to successfully resolve conflict depends on your ability to: Manage stress quickly while remaining alert and calm. By staying calm, you can accurately read and interpret verbal and nonverbal communication. Control your emotions and behavior. When you’re in control of your emotions, you can communicate your needs without threatening, frightening, or punishing others. Pay attention to the feelings being expressed as well as the spoken words of others. Be aware of and respectful of differences. By avoiding disrespectful words and actions, you can almost always resolve a problem faster. To successfully resolve a conflict, you will need to learn and practice two core skills: the ability to quickly reduce stress in the moment and the ability to remain comfortable enough with your emotions to react in constructive ways even in the midst of an argument or a perceived attack. Learn to Manage Stress Being able to manage and relieve stress in the moment is the key to staying balanced, focused, and in control, no matter what challenges you face. If you don’t know how to stay centered and in control of yourself, you will become overwhelmed in conflict situations and unable to respond in healthy ways. Stress interferes with the ability to resolve conflict by limiting your ability to: Accurately read another persons nonverbal communication Hear what someone is really saying Chads comments: * Thats a big one for me because I get so bent out of shape about one thing I think someone is saying, that I can no longer hear what they are really saying. I think fear plays a big role in whenever I find myself doing this. Article: Be aware of your own feelings Be in touch with your deep-rooted needs Communicate your needs clearly Is stress a problem or you? You may be so used to being stressed that youre not even aware you are stressed. Stress may be a problem in your life if you identify with the following: You often feel tense or tight somewhere in your body Youre not aware of movement in your chest or stomach when you breathe Conflict absorbs your time and attention Learn how to beat stress in the moment The best way to rapidly and reliably relieve stress (if you dont have someone close at hand to talk to) is through the senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you. Chads comments: * Music is the number one thing that helps me soothe my troubled soul. Article: Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others. If you don’t know how you feel or why you feel that way, you won’t be able to communicate effectively or resolve disagreements. Although knowing your own feelings may sound simple, many people ignore or try to sedate strong emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. Your ability to handle conflict, however, depends on being connected to these feelings. If you’re afraid of strong emotions or if you insist on finding solutions that are strictly rational, your ability to face and resolve differences will be impaired. Why emotional awareness is a key factor in resolving conflict Emotional awareness—the consciousness of your moment–to–moment emotional experience—and the ability to manage all of your feelings appropriately is the basis of a communication process that can resolve conflict. Emotional awareness helps you: Understand what is really troubling other people Understand yourself, including what is really troubling you Stay motivated until the conflict is resolved Communicate clearly and effectively Attract and influence others Emotional awareness is a skill you can learn Emotional awareness is a skill that with patience and practice can be learned at any time of life. You can develop emotional awareness by learning how to get in touch with difficult emotions and manage uncomfortable feelings, including anger, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise, and joy. When you know how to do this, you can remain in control of your emotions and behavior, even in very challenging situations, and communicate more clearly and effectively. Nonverbal communication The most important information exchanged during conflicts and arguments is often communicated nonverbally. Nonverbal communication is conveyed by emotionally driven facial expressions, posture, gesture, pace, tone and intensity of voice. The most important communication is wordless When people are upset, the words they use rarely convey the issues and needs at the heart of the problem. When we listen for what is felt—as well as what is said—we connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening in this way also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us. When you’re in the middle of a conflict, paying close attention to the other person’s nonverbal signals may help you figure out what the other person is really saying. This will allow you to respond in a way that builds trust, and get to the root of the problem. A calm tone of voice, a reassuring touch, or an interested or concerned facial expression can go a long way toward relaxing a tense exchange. Your ability to accurately read another person depends on your own emotional awareness. The more aware you are of your own emotions, the easier it will be for you to pick up on the wordless clues that reveal what others are feeling. Humor Once stress and emotion are brought into balance your capacity for joy, pleasure and playfulness is unleashed. Joy is a deceptively powerful resource. Studies show that you can surmount adversity, as long as you continue to have moments of joy. Humor plays a similar role when facing conflict. You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments and disagreements by communicating in a humorous way. Humor can help you say things that might otherwise be difficult to express without offending someone. However, it’s important that you laugh with the other person, not at them. When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, reframe problems, and put the situation into perspective, the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy. Managing and resolving conflict requires the ability to quickly reduce stress and bring your emotions into balance. You can ensure that the process is as positive as possible by sticking to the following guidelines: Listen for what is felt as well as said. When we listen we connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us when its our turn to speak. **Make conflict resolution the priority rather than winning or being right.** Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than winning the argument, should always be your first priority. **Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint**. Focus on the present. If you’re holding on to grudges based on past resentments, your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be impaired. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve the problem. Pick your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. Maybe you dont want to surrender a parking space if you’ve been circling for 15 minutes, but if there are dozens of empty spots, arguing over a single space isn’t worth it. Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive. **Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.** Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Oct 2013 11:49:39 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015