I have been the one that cut herself just to feel relief from the pain and shame that I did endure. I then hid the scars. I have been the one that had so much rage I would throw things just to feel happy. I would break things, throw things. I would scream and destroy those I loved with words of hate and anger. I have been in that prison cell where it felt as if you were alone. I was deep in that pit of depression feeling hopeless as if no one cared. I have been rejected for just being who I am. I was cut down by peoples words because I did not meet their expectations and because I was different. I tried to end my life. I held the knife. I tried to end it through overdose of depression medicine. I tried hanging myself before. I would get mad and even hit myself. I was the teen that was in deep misery. I have been hurt in many ways. I have many scars of the pages of my life. I was abused by someone I loved that did not love me. I fooled and mistreated. I felt the sting of death. I lost everyone I loved to it within a period of five years. I never fit in with anyone. I was the loner. I was full of anger and rage. I built resent and unforgiveness towards those that did not love me and rejected me. I had so much anger it almost destroyed me. It almost destroyed my marriage and my future. I could not take people hurting me nor offending me. When they did , I wanted to hurt them in return. I would spew hateful angry words out at them making me feel good for a moment. However, in the end it just drove me deeper into misery & guilt. I felt unwanted and unloved. I felt rejected because I chose to reject anyones love because being hurt. I had so much unforgiveness and anger it almost destroyed me, However, My God intervened. I would have times I would refuse to speak because of being afraid I would hurt someone or offend someone with my words. This is why I chose to stay alone. God had to heal the hurt. He had to bind the scars. He had to remove the guilt , pain, anger, and even hate I had harbored in my heart. God had to teach me to love, forgive, and move forward to His future for my life. He had to teach me to leave my past and focus on Him and His love for me. It is hard for someone that did not know love from birth. God had to plant new seeds of love in my heart and life. He had to heal the scars and the pain of shame in my life. Suicide is not the answer. I said all this to say this God loves You. He does not see who You use to be. He forgives you. You have to forgive Your self. You have to accept His love and not reject it. You have to choose to love again. Love is hard when your heart is scarred, but if You allow Him in He will cover it with His blood. He will bind those broken pieces through the Love of Jesus. I have been through alot and if you are someone who is struggling with Suicide, Depression, Anger, etc. please message me. I am not God but He lives in me. He equipped me through allowing me to go through these things. He allowed me to endure and experience so He can equip me to be His vessell to bind the broken hearted and set the captive Free. Please message me God has equipped me to help and minister to those that are going through this. You can also be healed. I have been where you are and I understand how you feel. If you need someone to talk to message me. I am here for you. Suicide is NOT the answer. CUTTING solves nothing. You dont have to cut yourself to feel relief. You can choose to cast your every care upon Him for He cares for you. He will heal you. You just have to let Him in. #SuicideISNotTheAnswer
Posted on: Mon, 18 Nov 2013 01:44:22 +0000