“I learned that sometimes you have to focus on yourself because at the end of the day you can’t rely on anyone else. Right now, my life is about me.” “Why do you feel this way?” “I think the turning point was when my mother died three years ago. I felt like my family wasn’t there for me and for my sister. We just had each other.The rest of my family went on with their lives. I mean, life does go on, but I felt abandoned. And days before my mother died, I had a miscarriage. I was also in a bad relationship, and I put a lot of focus on him. There were just a lot of things. I had a little depressive period after my mother died. I lost my job at the hospital, failed my nursing exam. Part of me is happy that I have a job, I can pay the bills, and I kept my house, but I still have bigger goals. I’m approaching 30 this year. I feel that I have to make some progress. I finally have to reach my goal of getting healthy. I have to be successful. Thirty is a milestone. Maybe I’m pressuring myself a little too much, but I have to. I’m tired of going paycheck-to-paycheck and not living up to my full potential. I finished nursing school five years ago, but I’m still not licensed. I still haven’t passed my exam. I have a degree, but it’s useless. It’s just that one last step. It’s like you’re right there, but you can’t touch it. You try to reach for it, and it steps back from you.” “When did you fail the exam?” “The last time I took it was in September. I’m getting ready to take it again next month. I just keep telling myself, ‘OK, focus, focus, focus!’ But every time I’m almost there, and boom, something bad happens to ruin my focus. I feel like the devil doesn’t want me to succeed. It’s just life. I have to adjust to it. But I’m not very good at multitasking. That’s why I can’t be in a relationship. I need to focus on myself, but my sister is like a boyfriend. I’m helping her with her two kids. I just have to figure out a way to fit everything in.” “Do you feel confident about the exam this time around?” “I feel I’m at 75 percent. I’ve been very focused: work, study, gym, work, study, gym. I feel I’ll be good this time. The exam is one day after my mother’s birthday. That’s why I picked that date. I thought she could give me a little bit of a push. I know she is not here, but I still want to make her proud.”
Posted on: Wed, 19 Mar 2014 17:36:46 +0000