.............. Im blank............ there are a million thoughts but they are jumbled and going through at a million miles per hour... then I get lost in a memory....one single memory.... its like a crazy ride that comes to an abrupt stop then goes in slow motion..... Today I went to the funeral home with mom... Ive been here before... same room... same chair.... the man was slightly impolite and liked to talk about himself.... constantly interrupted my mom while she was talking about Clark, just so he could tell us yet another story about himself... answered the phone and gave a funeral quote to them while we were in the middle of discussing my brothers plans... that took him about ten minutes... never even said, excuse me a moment, do you mind if I take this call?... just answered it as though we were not even there... I wasnt happy but I behaved.... (I deserve a prize for that) Jen Rockey (I have to add last names since everyone I hang out with is named Jen) came over early, drove the kids to school, cleaned up the house a little, got the little ones ready to go while I showered... I dont bother getting ready... Ill just look like hell in ten minutes anyway... but I finally got out of my gym clothes and wore jeans... then took me to the funeral home and sat with the kids for me. When we got home there was a package on the porch... Bear Dawgs ashes arrived... great day... ugh. We sat around most of the afternoon...burned the kids lunch (neither one of us should own an oven) she did my laundry cause shes awesome, came to the conclusion that when it comes to having a million things to get done but goofing off instead, we are world champs... undefeated.... then I lost it... I cant stay in one place that long. I cant sit still and do nothing on an average day.. Im a now, now, now, go, go, go kind of girl... going through this... I have to stay busy... so I had a major breakdown that lasted for hours... she made me get up, wash my face and get in the car... we went out to eat... I needed that... Im falling into such a horrible depression... but when we go out its constant laughter and inappropriate conversations... we sat at the table and told each other how much we hate each other, how fat, and how ugly the other one is ha ha... the people around us better have had a good sense of humor. She was choking on something and I just looked at her and said sorry, I dont know CPR and kept eating... (she was fine ) later she went to the bathroom so I took her purse and left so she couldnt pay the bill. I love our friendship lol constant laughter. So thanks Jen! You got me through that one! Its tough... I lose it... Day 1 without my brother is over... 40-50 more years to go... Im blank.......
Posted on: Fri, 16 Jan 2015 04:40:38 +0000
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