#Insert_53 My heart was pulsating faster and stronger! The amount of rage and anger that filled my body was just beyond any limit. Its crazy how my family actually think that they have control over my life and feel its right for them to make choices for me without considering my feelings. I can not see myself staying in Polokwane even if they payed me to,It would be like taking 10 steps backwards and I was not ready for that. They turn to forget that this is the 21st century and I will not be forced to do anything that my heart does not desire,I will not be forced to relocate to this dull and boring place,that will never happen Id rather die. My Dad was really enraged by what uncle sipho said,I was afraid that something bad was gonna happen as there was so much anger in the lounge and this scared me because things we starting to get serious! It was the second time Ive seen my dad this pissed and I personally knew that this was not a good thing. Botshelo as you are aware that we as the elders in this family have the right to make decisions without your concern, the decision has been made and we expect you to respect it so Thabang will remain here until he is man enough to return to you. One of the uncles said.... You expect me to leave my son under your care,you must have lost your mind Sipho!Like I said to you Sipho and this goes out to the rest of you in this room,Thabang is my son whether gay or not he still my son and there is no way Im going to let him be treated like this! After all the things Ive done for this family this is the thanks I get?You all are ungrateful and if you think that I will leave my son in this crazy place then you all must have lost your mind. Thabang is going back with me to pretoria and thats final. My dad said. The argument continued as if I was not there,I really didnt feel like indulging is such arguments as I knew that whether they like it or not Im going home with my family once this funeral ends. A huge quarrel erupted in lounge,There they were calling me with all the names in the curse book! Harsh words were exchanged and this was becoming unbearable. Up until Gogo walked in... Stop it,You all stop this madness!have you no shame,causing all this drama whilst we are about to receive my sons body?What on earth is going on here! Wena Sipho you will not come here and want to control things! What is this noise all about? Gogo said. This son of yours is defying the elders decision to keep Thabang here until hes sorted out! We cant be having a gay man in our family! This young boy needs to be sorted out before he gets out of control. Uncle Sipho said.... What???Tell me you have lost your sanity! You think I would allow my grandson to be exposed to the craziness thats happening here? Yes Thabang is gay and we have no problem with that, you and your elders can go swin with the sharks for all I care!This is my family and you will not come here and give orders as if you own us! And please dont get me started about the mess that you call your family! Firstly Your Wife is busy having an affair with a taxi driver and you cant deal with her so you think you can deal with us! Im sure you dont want me to continue so please dont get me annoyed.Gogo said angrily. Gogos words were respected because after she had said what she had to say everyone was quite. My sons body is on the way as we speak and we need to welcome him so please stop this madness!!! Everyone was calm but I was certain that this was not over. a woman came to the lounge to let us know that the hearse has arrived. This was the moment I was dreading this whole week. It finally hit me that uncle Sizwe was gone and I was the last person to see him. The uncles and everyone in the room left to carry the coffin into the house. When I heard the women starting singing funeral hymns,the songs were filled with sorrow and made it worse as they made me feel that I am really at a funeral. I was standing by the passage when the men carrying uncles sizwes coffin passed by and everyone had gathered in the house to say their last goodbyes! I heard a loud cry coming from Gogos bedroom! It was Gogo crying, her loud cry pierced through my heart! I had never felt my heart break so bad,the only thing I could do was break down and cry! We were give a chance to view his body and say I was last goodbyes thats when it hurt the most but it was the only way I could make peace with his death. After all that thing started to get hectic so I decided to go back to the B&B because I felt out of place, the men were busy slaughtering the cow whilst the women were busy with the veggies. I got to the B&B and cried until I couldnt cry anymore,I had to let it all out and after that I felt better, I was still angry at the fact that Orapeleng told everyone that Im gay but I was actually glad he did because I dont have to hide anymore. I decided to call Kabelo but his phone went on without being answered. So I called my dad to let him know that Im at the B&B and Ill see him tomorrow before we leave for the cemetery.... I slept the night away because thats the only thing I could do. Saturday morning I woke up feeling blue,It was the day of the funeral! I really have to say that this whole week was quite eventful and emotionally draining at the same time,but it was all about to end. I took a bath and walked to my grans place where I found people getting ready to go to cemetery! I got into my dads car cos I really didnt feel like talking to anyone,I just wanted to be alone and proceed with the funeral services until it all ends. Tumelo got into the car and asked if I was ok. Im ok bro just a bit tired,It might sound bad but I just cant wait to get this over and done with. I said. I understand your frustrations thabang,even I cannot wait to go back home. Tumelo said. Everyone was leaving to the cemetery,we followed the convoy with silence in the car as if we were going to a death sentence. When we got to the cemetery every single member of the family was sitting but the was no space for me so I decided to stand aside and watch the funeral proceed. The priest held the service short and brief, the coffin was then lowered to the ground thats when I started to let the tears flow. Gogo was crying so had that no one could calm her down! The women in the family we also in tears,crying so hard that there was no way I could act strong. Family was called to pour sand into the grave and I also joined in. I felt so neglected because no one was paying attention to me and I was also deeply hurt by Uncle Sizwes passing. Not that I wanted attention but I felt like no one cares about me,this just saddened me! After pouring the sand I decided to go to the back,away from everyone so that I can cry without worrying about whose watching. As I was crying alone in the back something happened. I felt someone hugging me from behind and I knew there is only one person who smelled that way and could touch me that way... Babe everything will be ok,Im really sorry! It was Kabelo saying this to me. I was shocked that Kabelo was at the funeral as its miles away from home and how did he get here! Babe how did you get here? I asked as I turned and hugged Kabelo tightly whilst crying! What matters now is that Im here for you!Kabelo said as he kissed me on the forehead and hugged me even tighter.... #Welcome_To_My_Diary :)
Posted on: Mon, 24 Nov 2014 19:33:48 +0000
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