“I’ll never forget you,” she whispered in my pitch-black room. Our words hung in the air, painfully, but reeking of clarity. A couple of nights ago, I had a conversation that would shake me to my core. A conversation that changed the trajectory of my life like cosmic rocks colliding somewhere in space. My vision seemed to be coming to fruition and she was part of every moment. Flashing images of mountain landscapes, sunrises, and long talks by a burning fire made up this dream. But that suddenly crumbled as we realized that we had our own paths to take. The 48 hours that have followed have been accompanied by deep reflection and recognition of something I had hid from myself for some time. In the last 8-12 months I have been on a journey to discover myself. Call it spiritual, call it self-actualization, whatever it is, my eyes are beginning to open. My journey has been filled with inspiring conversations and insightful awareness. I had unlearned a world that I was sure of for 20 something years. But I’m beginning to see life through a different scope. My only problem was that I became too sure of this newly discovered “world”. I repeated the mistake that had taken me all my life to learn, and that is this: Never be too certain of your beliefs. The world, our lives, are malleable. It is ever changing, ever evolving. When we buy too much into a new understanding, we often neglect other aspects. That was my critical error. I did not realize that the path that had been teaching me so much, actually took me away from the girl I had given my heart to over the past 2 years. I was so entrenched in my learning that I neglected the subtle tug on my soul that told me that things were not the same. But here is another universal fact: The truth will always surface. And it did. It was such a painful conversation, but completely necessary. It was mutual understanding that we both had a different journey, and neither of them could be realized if we didn’t travel them alone. This was more painful than hearing that one of us was unfaithful (not in our case), or that we didn’t have the same feelings. We still loved each other. But our own personal ceilings could not be reached together. We needed to venture out on our own and find ourselves before we could be together. I trust the universe has a bigger plan for us. I hope that this is the beginning of a new chapter for both of us. A chapter that doesn’t include us together, but apart. Where we learn lessons that will eventually lead to us to be more complete, fulfilled versions of ourselves. I am in no rush to write the ending to this story. I found out that looking too far ahead in “the book” leads to disappointment, because life isn’t always what we predict. It took a lot out of me to write this, and I don’t want this to be portrayed as a sappy heartbreak story. Our world is filled with much bigger problems-- wars, poverty, famine, and greed. These more urgent issues dwarf the problem that I am facing. I just hoped my experience would somehow speak to another person who may be experiencing a similar situation. I want others to understand that our problems cannot be solved with worry, payback, or “what-if’s”. The only answer is acceptance. So I accept this and want to say thank you. Thank you for serving as a catalyst to my growth. I know you came into my life to teach me something great, and you have. I would not be who I am today if it weren’t for you. You have a heart of gold and presence that radiates like the sun’s rays. I will never forget you. I am growing. I have a long way to go and sometimes I forget where I am. But I’m on my way.
Posted on: Wed, 28 Aug 2013 23:40:49 +0000
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