‘THAT FEELING’ THAT CAN CAUSE YOU TO DO SOMETHING NASTY Dedicated to Musanka Makwamba of Kalingalinga, Lusaka, and all new students that may not have hope of being in school now- IT IS NOT YET OVER. Yesterday I shared a link on my wall of the 19 year old girl Musanka Makwamba from UNZA who committed suicide after failing to get sponsorship for her school. From the conversation we had on facebook with friends and the imagination of the anguish she must have gone through before committing suicide, it prompted me to share my own life experience which some of you might know but which 99% of you certainly don’t know. Immediately after secondary school I was accepted to go to UNZA after having passed my grade 12 very well. I had been a good student and was actually the highest/best student during the grade 12 mock exams at Arakan secondary school in 1995. I received prizes in front of the whole school at the first prize giving ceremony that had just been introduced at school. I was the best student in English, Literature and History, and the best overall grade 12 pupil. Those subjects and overall best meant that I had to stand up 4 times to receive the prizes and shake hands with the head master, deputy and all the teachers that stood in front. It was certainly one of the best days of my life, and totally unexpected. I knew I had performed well but little did I know it was the best performance at the whole school. However, that was not the first record for me as I had been the highest grade 9 female at our school during the 1992 final exams just a few years earlier and my grades were generally good throughout my school life. With such a record, only UNZA, and nothing else was in store for me. Bear in mind that I was raised by my widowed mother who always told me that education was the ONLY key to success. So as a child, education was the only thing that defined me and I defined life from that lens. This means that failing in school was the biggest failure that my young life could ever experience. And as a child, I believed that my role was to work hard and the role of my parents/relatives was to pay for my school fees and other requirements. And so I stuck to my end of the bargain and worked hard. When the grade 12 final exams were out, I had done my family proud once again and I was among the very best at my school and among the few that made it to go to UNZA the following academic year. My sweet and ever caring mother had retired earlier and was going through some financial challenges and so could not afford to pay for my fees at that time. I visited a few relatives but all said could not do anything at that moment. School had always been my biggest passion and I was my happiest when I was behind a desk planning the next thing I could be from that very desk. So to be in a situation where I could not be in school due to money was so heart breaking. I don’t know if I have ever cried like that in my whole life. I started even mourn my father who I had not mourned all my life as he had died when I was too young. Suddenly, I would begin to reason that if my father had been alive I wouldn’t be in that situation and that made me cry even more. That feeling of hopelessness, failure and defeat is what the young UNZA student must have been feeling, and probably even more. I understand it very well because I went through it. It’s not a feeling that any student that has the passion to be in school should be feeling in this country. It’s a feeling you don’t even wish on your enemy. It is a feeling that can make you do something nasty like commit suicide, like our young sister has done. But that is NOT and should never be the solution, because as sure as the sun rises every day, there is always hope in the next day. Trust me, I know that very well. From the over 6,000 students, government will pay for only over 2,000 or so, and those that don’t have anyone to pay for them will or are already going through that feeling. That painful, painful feeling. But that feeling should not lead you to commit suicide or give up on your dream- I NEVER DID, and so you too shouldn’t give up at all. I’m sure there are many people that can testify of how much better things later turned up, all because they never gave up. I would like to encourage everyone going through that feeling of hopelessness, failure and desperation to hold on and know that it is not the end of the world. This feeling might be caused by various other factors like work, relationships and family, but my message is the same to you all going through that. Remember that we all go through that gloomy path and have that feeling of hopelessness in our life where everything is totally bleak, but to take your life is NEVER the solution. For students, you can even stay away and go back after a year or two after you raise some money. What most new students might not know, and I’m sure our young sister also might not have known this, is that they won’t really lose their place but can go to UNZA and say that they don’t have fees now so will defer their enrollment to next year or when they raise some money. After they raise that money, they can take themselves to school and they will go on like nothing ever happened at all. I did it and I know many of the students can do the same in this situation. To cut a long story short, and believe me this is one of the longest stories of my life, when I missed out on going to UNZA the year I was supposed to go, I told my family that I will get into music full time and begin to sing without ‘anyone making noise for me.’ I even said worse things but I won’t say them now, lol, but that’s what that feeling can do to you. This is so because almost all my relatives had been against my singing and especially at that time when music in Zambia was not even doing well and neither did we have many role models, especially women that were recording artists. My relatives always said that music was for dull people and that I was ‘too intelligent’ to get into music. This unfortunate misconception is still held by many Zambians and I’m glad that we have more and more educated people getting into music, sport and other such ‘disrespected’ careers in our country. From my relatives’ reaction, I went into music, partly as a rebellion but mostly to raise money for my school. At least I could now sing freely without anyone urging me to stop as I always answered them that they failed to pay my school fees and so I was doing what my heart loved doing. Surprisingly, my music career became very successful, and a few years later I was still denying going back to school as I could not leave a highly successful career just like that. And it had finally come to my realization that it was not only education that could make you successful but any other career that you pour your whole heart into. Despite that success, some of my family members still always felt that I should go back to school so I deliberately refused to do so to annoy them. However, years later- and a more mature me, I realized that it was always God’s plans that were working in my life. It is Him who chose that path for me so that his other plans and purpose for my life would be realized. For that reason, I even forgave some of my relatives I had said had money but deliberately refused to help me. I knew that everything was purposed by the Creator Himself so that His will on my life could be done. And what a wonderful plan He had for me. Certainly so much better than the plans I had made for myself. I always thank God that the money was not there at a time when I was supposed to be in school. Never in my life had I thought that I would be a singer and that break from UNZA gave me the courage to pursue that career. Since it was God’s plan, He put hurdles in my way because He knew He had a better plan for me. Believe it or not, I was a very shy girl and music forced me to ‘throw away’ the shyness. A lot of things I’m doing now I probably would have never been able to do them if I never had the chance to have a music career. God used it as a foundation for many things that He had prepared for me in future. So many things. When the time was right, and still at the peak of my music career, I finally decided to go back to school. I re-applied at UNZA and was accepted to go back. This pleased a lot of my family- and me too- as I was now ready to go back and finish what I had left hanging a few years back. As long as the sun shines every morning, there is hope for a better life and better things to come. It is not easy but it is VERY possible. I DID IT, AND SO CAN YOU. Saboi Imboela Women, Youth and Child Rights Activist Ambassador for Artwatch Africa, Zambia Part time Lecturer- UNZA
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 07:31:29 +0000