***This Day in the Rain*** The heavens cracked and opened wide with rage—a rage that matched Ricky’s flaming yellow eyes—as though he himself had called upon them. His bright brown shaggy hair clung to him, covered his eyes, and the rain made it look nearly black. God, how did she look? If he looked like a freshly washed Lab, she probably looked like a muddy poodle. Even still, amidst the rain and fury, he looked like her best friend, and then not her best friend...It was weird staring at him like this. As if seeing him for the first time. Why did he look so different? So manly? So...not Ricky? Was this how other girls saw him? Maybe it was because she asked him to do the unthinkable. Maybe she found him so...attractive...because she asked him to teach her how to kiss. Was this why he was mad? It was cold rain, rain that chilled the bones, rain that made it even harder to look into his eyes. She knew she was not the cause of this fury in him, but it was damn near impossible to tell right now. “You really wanna be kissed?” he said hoarsely above the rain, taking a single step toward her. Fat rain drops beat against them like hail stones, smacking against her skin and his, and yet somehow she could only imagine the feeling. She was numb all over. Shaking, yes, but still numb and at a loss for words. “You think that a single kiss will cure you of some fabled timid nature? That you’ll be more confident and bold? You think that’s gonna make him care about you?” She watched him take another step with a hard gulp...Was he always this tall? She hated the way he talked about Justin, with such contempt and disgust. He may be a lot of things, but he finally paid attention to her, and all she needed was to know how to kiss so she wouldn’t embarrass herself tomorrow night. He invited her to a party at his house and everyone that was someone would be there. On top of that, she was his date. That had to mean that they’d be kissing, right? She was tired of being the only one of her friends that hadn’t ever kissed anyone before. And this intense opposition from the one person she thought would be happy about it, the one person she trusted to know, her best friend, made her a little sad. If he didn’t want to help, if it was absurd of an idea to kiss her, all he had to do was say no. Her feet felt heavy and her arms felt weak but she wanted to run. No, she did nothing wrong. Her request couldnt be what made him upset. He was angry and bitter for other reasons, and she was most likely the closest to him right now. She was the punching bag today. And she didn’t want to mind but his eyes paralyzed her body and quickened her heart beat. “Look around you, Tess.” He blurted louder with a flail of his arms. “This isn’t a movie! This isn’t a book or a song or goddamn Narnia, this is real life! You don’t just kiss and feel better in real life, and it’s never gonna work that way!” “I know,” She felt herself say softly, “but I can’t help feeling envious.” “Envious.” He repeated flatly, the edge in his voice lingering in his tone. “Everyone around me seems to have no problem with it. I look at people like Stephanie and Allison and even you and I can’t help but want that.” “Pray, do tell me, what is it that you want of mine?” Her eyes darted around them, at the neighbor’s garden and how the raindrops bounced off of the leaves and rolled into the dirt. “It seems so easy for you.” He began to shake his head at her slowly and clench his jaw. He was nearly a foot away from her now, close enough to look down at her, close enough to see the true intensity of his gaze. “That’s not at all what its like. It’s never easy.” He simply said as the rain dripped down his hair and onto his nose and mouth. “Then tell me what it is that makes it seem like that with you!” she blurted out, instantly feeling defensive with each inch of space being occupied by him as he stepped closer. “Why does it look good?! What does it feel like?!” He took her mouth in his so fast she hardly had time to protest. She did moan though, and that made him proud. It wasn’t a pleased moan, not in the least bit; it was actually more like a resistant, frustrated whine of protest but by god that hardly mattered. It sounded like sweet, soft, cupid made music to his ears and it almost made him want to go easy, slow down, and be gentle… Stop thinking, he spat at himself. This is not for pleasure. She had asked for a kiss, a tutor to help teach her how to handle it. Handle what? A kiss is a kiss. He couldn’t speak for anyone else, but he knew that no matter how much of a carefree façade he put up about it, it always affected him. He could kiss a stranger and it still would stir things up inside. The thing that pissed him off the most was that the only reason he’d be her first kiss is because she asked, because she needed “practice”. Not because she shared his feelings. Not because she loved him. He had to show her, or at least try to show her, how very unpleasant a kiss really is. How it made him feel every single time. He had meant it to be rough and horrible; he dug his fingers in her back, nails cutting through lace and then satin and then plush, soft flesh. That just made his wanting worse. Everything inside of him begged for the opposite. He wanted her to hate it for the sake of proving his point, but the more he breathed in—and he would freaking breathe—and caught that luscious, dewy, and currently soaked smell that was all her own, he wanted to turn her whine of protest into a sound of something else…was he allowed to want that? What annoyed him most was that he had often spent hours alone daydreaming about kissing her…being her first…making her his…and none of them looked or felt anything like this. Stay focused! You’re taking too long. You need to end it now! Of course he should. The original plan was to peck as hard as he could and make her angry, maybe even make her push him away, but oh, how she fit perfectly against him…like this…their bodies molding together… Logic, reason, and the fact that he had a point to make screamed at him, banged at the forefront of his mind, repeating over and over again the words stop, end, and run. And he would have ended it, gladly even, if it hadn’t been for that other, softer, thrill-seeking part of him that whispered in the back of his mind, you want more and you know it. Come on. Do it. A little taste never hurt anyone. Bad idea. Body didn’t care. His tongue was pushing past her teeth in no time. He half expected her to bite him; as sweet as Tess was, she was feisty as hell and would have probably kneed him in the shaft if she could stand on her own. Wait. That was odd. She was in tip-top, energetic shape before. When had he started holding her upright himself? She opened her mouth a little wider—an invitation that nearly all by itself made his heart want to burst with joy—and flicked her tongue just once, barely, under his own. It rocked him to the core. Crap, he thought. This has got to stop. Slowly, reluctantly, he unhooked his fingers from her back and untangled his other hand from her hair. Stop and back away now, his logic ordered, and for once his body listened. One foot back, another foot back. Progress was being made. Now… how to get the lips unlocked… As if she had heard his thoughts, and even hated what she heard, Tess—little timid Tess—grabbed the collar of his jacket and yanked him back to her before wrapping her arms around his neck and tangling her fingers in his hair. Holy hell, he thought. What is she doing?! She had to be going insane. Or maybe he was. They probably both were. He tried it again, this time tilting his head back first, but then she moaned, actually moaned, and fell completely into him. Logic was silent. Gone. Probably destroyed. With no actual guidance within present, thrill-seeking Ricky took the reins. One question. Why are your hands at their sides? Good question… Consider the problem fixed. He cradled her body, softer this time, ebbing her closer in a more possessive way. In a way that confused even him. Who was proving the point again? Hell, what was the point?? Goodness, she was so new to this. She shook like a cold, wet little kitten and her lips mimicked everything his did, only more timid and slow movements. Yet as new as she was, she still kissed him with all of her might and that made him want to smile. Thrill-seeking Ricky chuckled in approval. She tilted her head, taking in more of the kiss and this time he mimicked her, eager to explore more, more, more. I could kiss this girl forever, he thought. Bad choice of words. Logic came back with a vengeance. Was that not the point you were trying to make? That the feeling doesn’t last forever? Yes. Yes it was. In that instant, he began to feel the wind around him, the cars treading by, gutters draining water, and cold hard rain beating down like hail stones. You’ve gone too far now. You need to break contact. He squeezed his eyes tighter, begging his mind for a little longer. Now! His logic screamed. He ripped away, instantly loathing himself, and stood staring at her with his hands fisted to his sides. This. Totally. Sucks, he thought, knowing that the ache in his chest after seeing the disappointment in her eyes made the thought seem like a bad cosmic joke. He couldn’t let her say a word. Allowing her room to speak, to protest the way he could tell she wanted to, would undo him completely. There would be no undoing of anything today. “You feel it, don’t you?” he said, his voice sounding foreign to his own ears. “That drumming in your chest, the tingle in your fingers because you’re itching to grab me again, the white heat surging through your cheeks and forehead, and that pulsing in your lips. You feel all of that, don’t you?” he said. She nodded twice, slowly, her bright blue eyes never veering. Dark, thick locks of hair clung to her sunkissed face and he found himself reaching to push them away. He jerked his hand back and winced as if in pain when his mind shouted at him not to touch her. There it was, pure longing in her eyes. He felt a pang of guilt. “Empty feeling, isn’t? Not being able to keep kissing, that is.” Tess was motionless. Not even an eyebrow twitched as she stood there. And then her eyes suddenly became grim before his eyes. Yes, she definitely felt it. “You’re gonna feel like this forever.” He said, and as she spoke, her head sank lower and lower. Shame took its hold of her. “You will always feel empty. You will always want more. But do you know what the worst part is?” She blinked once and her gaze instantly locked onto his. “Nothing you do, no matter how far you go, will sate this new demon inside of you. You will never get enough. And you will always think of this day, in the rain, and how it happened because you wanted it.” His last words rang in his own ears. The hurt emanated off of him just as he’d wanted it to and it obviously affected her. Another blink, and a small, salty tear mixed with her rain soaked face. Run, his mind whispered, and he did. If he had stayed, if he had witnessed any more of those tears, he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he would take it all back for her. He couldn’t do that. She needed to know. And yet the farther he ran from her, the tighter his chest constricted, the larger the lump in his throat got, and the louder the banging in his temples got. The part that tore him up, the thing that really ripped him apart, was the last words he heard her say: “I hate you, Ricky.” She sobbed. “I hate you so much.”
Posted on: Sun, 10 Nov 2013 12:20:17 +0000