*Too Late* The hour hand of the clock has again hit 12; one more hour has passed since I woke up from that terrible dream to this reality, which in no way is any less. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get to sleep again. Giving up eventually, I have seen the hour hand touching 12 seven times since then, every time, taking a little longer. I look around, the sunlight entering through the room window allowing me to do so, and see all these people sleeping peacefully, without a care in the world. Surrounded by their cousins, relatives and members of the extended family, they all must be waking up any time now. I look at all of them, and find that one person missing. The one person who is the center of my universe, the brightest star of my skies, the love of my life. My eyes search for him in all corners of the house, all the rooms, the verandah, the rooftop, the garden. I know everyone would have slept quite late last night, he being no exception. Who sleeps early when you have 50 people at your place, elders, newly married couples, teenagers and toddlers! Catering to all their needs, without them asking him to, he must have been so tired. I remember the times of all the previous family get-togethers, when I used to be the first person to wake up, to make tea and breakfast for everyone, and how he used to follow me to the kitchen, giving me company. How he used to say that he would make tea for my side of the family and I should do the same for his. How this would help us in loving each other’s family and how that was important. I never told him but I loved him for that. I remember how everyone said that we were the best real-life couple that they had seen, and how our love brightened the whole family. He used to look into my eyes and blink them instantly, silently professing his love for me. I never told him but I loved him for that. I never knew why I didn’t tell him that I loved him, while I did so all along. Ever since we got married and he showed me how beautiful life was. Ever since we stepped into our new lives, unfolding the chapters of our lives, hand in hand. Maybe I never needed to tell him that. Maybe he knew all along. Why else would he love me so much, surprising me everyday, making me fall for him everyday, thanking God for making me his wife, everyday? I step down from the memory train as people begin to wake up. The strain is visible on their faces, all of them missing the smiles I used to love on their faces. All a matter of time, I think. I am still looking for him, in fact, I have searched everywhere I could, except that one room. I don’t know what’s stopping me from going in, even though I am sure that I would find him inside. Mustering up the courage because I don’t start my day without looking at his smiling face, I enter the room. I was right, he is there, though the smile is missing. He is sitting on the ground, unmoved, staring at nothing. His eyes look so hollow, it almost scares me. I see as everyone comes into the room, and he gets up, asking if they would like to have tea or coffee, apologising for being late this morning. When one of our nephew asks him to sit down and let others handle it, he tells me how we need to look out for family, and how he learned to do so from me. Everyone breaks down, he as well. They all look at me with tears brimming in their eyes, and I, for once, don’t ask them to stop. How else are they supposed to take the pain out? If I could, I would tell them all to move on, to live their life to the fullest and to remember me with a smile. If I could, I would tell him how much I loved him, and how sorry I was for I never told him that when I could. It’s too late now, I know. Too late to say anything, too late to do anything. ~ Nandini Sharma, 2015
Posted on: Wed, 21 Jan 2015 12:32:00 +0000
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