‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house the only thing stirring was a silver swizzle stick (we have a cat, so what’s scarce is that mouse). My snappy socks were pink ‘cause that’s what a real man would wear, knowing that Santa, under his boots is sporting argyle, on an elf’s dare. Neither my son’s in bed, nor his eyes closed, It’s not a school night after all, he’s watching something we’ve Tivo’d. I’m in my khakis (lightly starched), my squeeze in pants for yoga made. “Let’s go to bed early (wink-wink)”, she said. We heard a noise out front, but we since have a dog for an alarm, I’ll stay in bed and finish the last of my drink, besides my squeeze’s head is resting on my other arm. Eventually I got up, moving exactly opposite of The Flash, and opened the mini-blinds; by the way, who in the hell these days has a sash? The moon was out, but we’re in Texas, so there wasn’t any snow. But, what I could see was a yard in need of a trim and mow. Then I saw them, you wouldn’t even freakin’ believe! I didn’t either, so my glasses I had to retrieve. There on my yard were some antlered livestock and a guy dressed in red. I thought, “This is Texas and if he had landed in the wrong yard, he would’ve been shot dead.” Then next I thought, “I’m going to have to do some yard clean-up in the morning.” He seemed friendly though, and then he shouted without any warning, “A little rum, a gin and tonic, or a beer that’s cold!” “Vodka with juice, a tequila shot, or better yet, some scotch from a barrel that’s old!” “Bring something to me, and put it on what you could call my sleigh.” “That’s right damnit, put it on a coaster, ‘cause I roll that way!” He walked towards the house, leaving his livestock, but bringing his thirst. He looked at me with eyes a twinkle and said, “Don’t worry, it’s cool, make yourself one first.” He held his drink, in his hands without gloves. He said with a smile, ”How’d you know I like my martini with two olives?” He sat down, put his feet up, and looked towards me, he had something to say, I could tell. “Just in case you were wondering, I’m Santa. That’s spelled with noel.” We gave each other a nod, and clinked our crystal in a toast. I said, “I’ve always liked you, and by the way, you can pull of red slacks and shirt way better than most.” “We’ve got cookies and carrots if you feel like a snack” He looked tired, probably from carrying that freakin’ huge sack. He finished his drink and stood up. I could see his reflection in his polished boot. He smiled a tipsy smile and said, “I like a house where I can have a drink before I drop off all of the loot.” He looked around and gave an admiring look at our brightly lit tree. He said with a chuckle, “After I drop this stuff, where’s the restroom? I really have to…….check the mirror before I leave.” He didn’t fool me; soon after he shut the door I heard a flush. When he came out he said to me, “Let’s keep this little meeting on the hush-hush.” We shook hands, and he stepped lightly towards the door, he seemed glad to have lightened his load. “Hey wait!”, I said. “How about one for the road?” “Damn straight!”, said Santa. “As long as it’s a beer in a can.” He left the house with a smile on his face and a wave of his hand. The next morning I awoke none worse for the wear. My squeeze smiled a sleepy smile and said, “I turned over and you weren’t there.” I said, “I was in the den having a drink with the guy who soars in the night on a red coaster.” “Yea sure”, she said. “That present under the tree had better not be a new toaster.” So there it is, the “Night Before Christmas”, sort of. Hope you all were good boys and girls this year. I assume your letter to Mr. Claus was mailed, the tree has been decorated, the cookie making supplies purchased, your bar fully stocked (‘cause he’ll be coming thirsty), and all the required presents purchased, wrapped and set out in a well-proportioned pile. Have a great holiday celebration full of good cheer, good friends, happy family, and memories that are memorable. Remember, a coaster isnt just another word for a sled. Happy holidays. Until next week.
Posted on: Fri, 19 Dec 2014 22:23:43 +0000
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