“What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever” 1 Cor 4:18 That is something I try to keep in perspective, especially during moments in which I miss Claire so intensely it feels as if an elephant is sitting on my chest. I experienced some of the most overwhelming feelings this weekend as we visited one of Claire’s dear friends at Duke. Extreme sadness started with the walk towards the hospital while hearing the nostalgic cross walk signal. Jordan and I became intimately connected to Duke because of Claire; therefore all my memories of the hospital include my daughter. I could clearly see her running down the hallways, riding in her car, taking the elevators, gazing at fish and bubbles, chasing her daddy around the elevator bank, talking to strangers, playing in the nurses station, observing the wall art, and being her loving energetic self in all of Duke. Being there without her was much tougher than I anticipated; I found myself leaving in tears wanting nothing more than the one thing I cannot have, the chance to kiss her sweet face once more. Psalm 92:1-2 “It is good to praise the LORD…proclaiming your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night” From the beginning to the end of even the most difficult moments there is a reason to give God praise. While mourning the loss of Claire in the halls of Duke, I realized exactly how much I loved her, how much I miss her, and how important she was in my life. To me her life is priceless, no amount of money can compare to value she holds in my heart. “Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God…Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.” Luke 12:6-7 If Not a sparrow goes unnoticed or uncared for; therefore, neither do we. God loves us for who we are. Our value is in our pure existence, not in the things we do, say, or accomplish. Claire was not special to me because of the things she did, but simply because she existed. I loved her before I met her while God had knit her together in my womb. My love grew as our relationship developed through a closeness which came through time spent together along with her dependence on me. The same is true with our walk in Christ. He has always and will always love us, but our relationship with Him will increase and mature as we spend more time with Him through prayer, devotions, scripture reading, time with His creation, and fellowship among believers. The Lord desires for us to be dependent on Him, and not ourselves, to seek His love not the worlds, and to find worth through Him not temporary standards. God’s will is perfect and His love is unfailing may we seek Him as a refuge of strength and security like Claire comfort in our protection of her as parents. There is no better place to be then in the arms of one who loves you. “God is love” 1 John 4:8 Thank you Claire for illuminating to me the absolute, tender kind of love our Heavenly Father has for us, his children, through my unconditional love for you. I miss you, I love you, I will see you soon.
Posted on: Tue, 03 Jun 2014 03:41:20 +0000
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