“Without justice there can be no Love.”- bell hooks I have been thinking about this heavily in my numerous talkings on relationships with friends in the past few days. And it has solidified my convictions that you must be brave to Love- it is a constant combatting against continuous bombardment of all the constructs and ideals that have been built upon a need to disempower others. Relationships have become more of a play on power dynamics, ownership, and control, which have nothing to do with Love. Relationships have become about self fulfillment- superficial needs being met and indulged by another until we tire of it- or have been enticed by the idea of something different. And this leaves us to treat relationships as disposable, throw this one out and you can always find another. When we disempower one another and ourselves in these ways of dealing with our hearts, we disempower Love, until it is erased. So comes in the phrase “Without justice there can be no Love.” We cannot build on a relationship that does not have two whole individuals working to support the growth of not just the relationship, but also the growth of the singular beings in mind, body and spirit. I believe so much of what is just in relationships comes from recognizing one another as full human beings before seeing yourselves as a couple. You both need strong healthy lives outside of one another and spaces of building up your humanity outside of the relationship. You cannot have a Loving relationship that encourages dependency- we can give to our partners without feeling they are taking advantage of us or giving you reason to resent them and you can take of your partner’s giving without feeling guilt and feeling you are not giving enough in return it’s all a balance- justice is that way- Love is that way- continuously finding ways to tip the scales to compromise, to find understanding, to remove fear. Love cannot live where there is fear- and often this is what destroys a relationship. Loving in spite of fear is a mistake. You must look fear straight on with compassion and understanding in order to really remove it from our realms of love. There can only be strong sustaining Love if we can allow ourselves to be courageous enough to really look at the individuals in the relationship and what it is that has brought them and continues to hold them together. Fear often is a driving factor to keeping broken relationships together- the fear of being along, of not being able to find something better, of being the reason for a break-up because you are not good enough, because you were not worthy of the relationship. Fear will only build upon itself and in the way we feed it we starve Love and forget what Love really is. I believe that love is made up of consistent and fully present trust and communication that breeds understanding, respect and support of mutual and individuals goals and wants for joy and betterment. When I say consistent and fully present- I see this as the most important components to remember. Because you need to be able to follow through with ritual and practice in Loving, it takes time to learn how to Love another person and to learn what you need for them to Love you. And these needs and wants will change as you grow as individuals- you have to be willing to move in growth with another person in this way, as you grow individually your relationship will without doubt evolve. You cannot be stuck in functioning in a relationship the same way as you did when you first began- this is an illusionary way of building upon Love, because we are all ever changing and growing as individuals and thus the relationship needs to be relooked at consistently and with full presence. When we hold on to the past or look to far into the future we begin to look at the constructs of ownership in a relationship and entitlement in a relationship- be cautionary when this is happening- and remember what present moment you are in- the only way to be Love is to be present with ourselves and True to what we are feeling and experiencing with our partner in the very moment. The less we leave for later, the more we have no reason to dwell on past happenings. Be consistent and take it all moment to moment, fully present, with truth and communication. My partner and I will talk situations to the ground and we don’t always come to a conclusion, but we do come to a deeper understanding of one another’s truths and that is absolutely beautiful to me. We must make decision as to what we want to continue in building upon. And building upon Love is not easy as I had mentioned before. There are so many things that deny us and distract us from being fully present in Love, but we are mindful, if we are courageous, if we are just and if we are true then we cannot be anything but Love. -JL
Posted on: Mon, 05 Aug 2013 21:45:46 +0000
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