[Wobble World] Before you get rid of that analog television, you should try it out. See if it still works. That could mean the difference between donating it to a thrift shop and tossing it into a landfill with everyone elses outmoded gear. Its dusty. Sure, thats only to be expected. How long has it been since youve used the thing? It has to be more than a year, since you finally broke down and got a more modern flat screen that was on sale. Clear off the dust. Just in case. The last thing you need is to start a fire because you didnt want to throw the damned thing in a dumpster just yet. Find a free electrical socket and plug it in. Ah! It made that little tweee sound it always made when the power came back on after a blackout. Youre getting nostalgic now, arent you? The sounds and sights youd become so accustomed to, which youve now put aside forever! Remember hooking your game system up to the television? Remember connecting the VCR? Now you just insert a single plug from your DVD player to your current television, but back then you were actually left to your own wits. Red wire to red outlet. White to white, yellow to yellow. If that doesnt work, try to find the manual. Ah, the old thing works! Well, it came on, at least. It powered up. Thats a good sign, and maybe itll find a new home with someone less fortunate than yourself. It would be nice if it played something other than static, but for that youd need a digital broadcast converter. Its part of the reason you finally upgraded, after all... why buy the converter when you should just get a new television anyway? The old TV still remembers the channels that were programmed into it. Three, Four, skipping five, Six, and so on... the poor thing has always remembered what channels you could get, and has been waiting for you to come back and watch them. Kind of sad. Hey, whats this? Some faded, barely-there picture. An analog broadcast, still going. Isnt that illegal, now? Didnt the Government push everyone to digital? I dont know about you, but I think thats kind of strange. But seriously, whats this? What IS this? Lean in closer, will you? See if you can pick out the shapes in the blizzard of black and white static. Turn it down a bit, though. The hissing sound is very unpleasant. Theres a very faint sound coming from the speakers... through the static, that is... some kind of weird mumbling, though maybe its just your mind playing tricks on you. Youre just hearing things amid the noise, I bet. Mrmle mrmle meemee meemle murmr mrmle... It just keeps going, like someones having a conversation with their self and they arent too worried about being clear. Oh! Heres an idea!! Turn on the closed captioning. That might do something. HOST > WELCOME TO WOBBLE WORLD! CHILDREN, WILL YOU SAY HELLO TO WOBBLE? CHILDREN > HELLO WOBBLE! HELLO! Weird. Maybe if you fiddle with the settings, you can see this a bit better... or maybe hear it more clearly. You remember the picture and audio settings, right? You can find those from the menu? There you go, youve got it. Well thats not much better, but I guess its something. Look! There, in the middle of the screen. Someones standing there. Whats up with his arms? And his head? His arms are offset like one of those tall cacti. Ones lower then the other. Ones longer than the other. Ha! His head keeps wobbling left and right like a hyperactive worm. Hes so far away. Or is he just small? HOST > TODAY WERE GOING TO LEARN ABOUT SHARING, AND WELL SEE A NEW LETTER. CHILDREN > ALRIGHT! YAY! A LETTER! You can hear them, now! The Host fellow sounds like an old man with a British accent. Sort of like Michael Caine, but a bit weaker in the voice. Shakier. The Children are just that... a chorus of different kids all shouting out responses to the British Hosts dialogue. Theyre mostly in unison, but there are a few stragglers who answer late. Theres a familiar sight. The letter J is on the screen in large, bold lettering. HOST > WHAT LETTER IS THIS? DO YOU SEE IT? IT HAS A FLAT TOP AND A CURVY BOTTOM. DO YOU KNOW A LETTER WITH A FLAT TOP AND CURVY BOTTOM? CHILDREN > J! J! ITS A J! OH, I KNOW IT. HOST > THATS RIGHT! He sounds over-excited, like someone imitating a child. HOST > THE LETTER J HAS A FLAT TOP AND A CURVY BOTTOM! ... I SAY, YOURE ALL VERY SMART INDEED! He pauses, then sounds a bit concerned... HOST > ... DO YOU KNOW ANY WORDS THAT START WITH J? Silence. HOST > COME ON... He sounds as if this is very urgent, but is trying to keep calm. He talks through gritted teeth, you can hear it. HOST > DOES ANYONE KNOW A WORD THAT STARTS WITH J? ... ANYONE? Without warning, the picture shifts to that misshapen silhouette in infinite white space. It begins wobbling faster... more erratically... its whole body seems to be twitching and shaking, now. HOST > I THINK WERE MAKING WOBBLE UPSET. Youre probably knitting your brow, now. Staring at the screen quizzically. I wouldnt blame you. YOU know a word that starts with J, right? Wobble takes a step closer to you. HOST > OH DEAR. Its kind of hard to believe those kids are taking so long with this. Its not exactly hard to think of Jump or Jacket or Juice. Did you just say Juice? I think you did, under your breath. CHILDREN > JUICE! JUICE! JUICE STARTS WITH J! The image shifts back to the large J. HOST > THATS RIGHT! JUICE! MY, YOURE ALL VERY CLEVER. THANK YOU, THANK YOU ALL! He sounds very happy... relieved. HOST > J ALSO STANDS FOR JUSTIFY. REMEMBER, CHILDREN - YOU CAN JUSTIFY ANYTHING YOU FEEL LIKE DOING! CAN YOU SAY JUSTIFY? CHILDREN > JUSTIFY!! Well, glad thats over. Its kind of disconcerting that you thought of the word right before they all said it, but really how many J words would a little kid know? I guess its time to turn the television off and put aside. Next time youre in the city, you can take it to one of those junk shops. HOST > WAIT, DONT GO AWAY YET! Your finger instinctively withdraws from the power button. Whats going to happen thats so important? Nothing youre terribly interested in, Im sure. The silhouette... I guess thats Wobble and this is his World... takes a step closer to the screen. Hes shaking more, now, and his head is squirming this way and that with no rhyme or reason. CHILDREN > YEAH! DONT GO! PLEASE DONT! Your thumb finds the power button again. Wobble takes a few more quick steps, and the children simultaneously scream in terror. HOST > ALRIGHT... OKAY... HOST > THATS CLOSE ENOUGH WOBBLE HOST > STOP SCREAMING, CHILDREN... He sounds very worried, but he keeps trying to bring his voice back to a reassuring place... HOST > HA HA, ITS JUST THAT... YOU KNOW HOW WOBBLE FEELS ABOUT SCREAMING... As soon as the kids all stop their shrill, mindless vocalizations, Wobble takes another few steps closer. Hes almost filling the screen, now. Hes shaking violently! If he vibrated any faster, youd barely be able to see him! HOST > WOBBLE YOURE SCARING US! He is! Hes scaring you, isnt he?! Is that the sound of your heart racing? Youd better turn the damned thing off right now, dont hesitate! As you click the power button, Wobble races toward the screen. The children scream. The Host screams. Thankfully, its all gone within a split second and the television set is dark... quiet... your reflection in the screen looks a bit disturbing, doesnt it? All the colors gone from your face, and youre shaking! I dont know what that was, but it wasnt... right. If you live to be a hundred, I bet you never want to see anything like that again! You need some fresh air, I think. Yeah, go outside. Just relax and take a few deep breaths. Its nice out. Kind of cold, but nice. Crisp. The air is sweet and does a lot to help calm your nerves after... WHATEVER just happened. Some children are playing nearby in a neighbors yard. Theyre throwing leaves at each other and laughing and hollering. Theres six or seven of them. Itd difficult to tell since they keep dodging behind trees. You should probably talk to them. Call out to them. Shout over, its alright. Ask them if they know any words that start with the letter J. Theyre staring now, just quietly watching you like you asked something out of the ordinary. Which you clearly didnt. As the seconds pass, it seems like they actually might not know any words that start with J. Thats crazy, though. They MUST know at least one. How stupid would they have to be to actually NOT know any J words? Theyve gone back to playing now, screaming and playing and screaming, and the screaming is really getting under your skin. Why do they have to scream? Dont they know how you feel about screaming? I have an idea that might help. Take a few steps toward them. Try wobbling your head. (Note if youve read this good luck sleeping and I did not write this aint nobody got time for that)
Posted on: Tue, 11 Mar 2014 02:39:53 +0000
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