...closer to the point of no return.... it has this very daunting and even scary feel to it. As though I cross the abyss and the stones which I just jumped from have now fallen into the abyss. There is no turning back. If this doesnt work, I am done for....outside of Gods determining to miraculously heal me that is. But this is always the way it is, isnt it? There is no turning back. There is no redoing anything. Sometimes we get another opportunity to try again, but the past is still the past. The failure written on the record. The record sealed to be opened another day. Or is there something better? Is there hope outside the obvious, outside what my eyes can see and my senses can feel or can make sense of? I hope so, because if there is not something better, what is the point? Why keep on living to just die someday? Why keep on trying to love those who dont want to be loved? Why keep on trying to speak truth to those who dont want to hear it? Why keep on trying to live truth if at the end it is just death and non-existence? Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you die? Than why was I ever born? Just to eat, drink and be merry for death? A friend came by today and read from the Book. A song began... 1 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! - and about now my own heart began to sing along 2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, 3 who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, 5 who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagles. 6 The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. - He hears and answers the cries of His children and draws these willingly into His bosom 7 He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. 8 The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. 9 He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. 10 He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. - that book of records is no more against me for another Name and His condemnation and sacrifice was recorded in it and I am free! 13 As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. - I have every reason to live for I am His son! 14 For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. - His expectation of us is not that we never fail on this earth but that we trust in Him who is our righteousness and flee our own righteousness, pride and arrogance 15 As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; 16 for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. - even though I will live to be 96, my days here are a flash in eternity. 17 But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to childrens children, - I trust Him to bring all my children to faith in Him and grow in that faith with joy and power for He has imputed His righteousness to us His children 18 to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments. 19 The Lord has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all. - I will not fear the abyss for He is the King over all. Nothing is outside His control for my benefit and glory for He delights in me! 20 Bless the Lord, O you his angels, you mighty ones who do his word, obeying the voice of his word! 21 Bless the Lord, all his hosts, his ministers, who do his will! - I am so convinced of His love and plans for my salvation that I now call all His people and hosts everywhere to bless His Name and do His will with resounding joy and adoration! 22 Bless the Lord, all his works, in all places of his dominion. Bless the Lord, O my soul! The news is that my brother was confirmed today as my stem cell donor! While this is exciting, it reminds me that I am passing that point of no return. I must once again place my life in the hands of my God and Savior Jesus. But that has always been the way it is. My life has always been in His hands and I was reminded of this again today from Psalm 130. What blessed hope this is that I am free and can move forward into this transplant with trust and confidence in Him and His plans for me. Will this transplant fail? It could. Will I finally die of leukemia? I could. I believe that He has long term plans for me on this earth yet. I believe that He has a calling for me to finish before I reach the river and stand in sight of the Celestial City. But I will follow Him to whatever He has called me to by His grace and strength in His Spirit who dwells richly in me. And so I move forward across the abyss with my eyes on Him. Come along my Lover and my children, let us not be afraid but instead let us sing the song of our King!
Posted on: Thu, 21 Aug 2014 01:47:02 +0000
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