dream ( The love for mother, all spilled over ) After having a wild scuffle with my mom, that night I spent and the following day was overwhelming. I remembered how I spoke to her heartlessly, “You don’t care about anything. You’re so selfish. Whatever I’m today is because of my efforts , so stop praising yourself and leave me alone , don’t talk to me ever .. You’re not a good mom..!” She gave me a disappointed look but then pretended to smile, “My girl, I know you’re talented, but I’m your mum. You’re not supposed to address me this way.” I felt more infuriated now. It seemed like a cloud of violence surrounded me. I heaved the thesaurus held in my hand towards her. She picked it up, kept it gently on my table and went away. I realized it was my ego, and not me. Yet, anger did not leave me. That night I didn’t go for dinner when I said “I’m not going to eat it since mom has made it.” Dad lost his temper but mom handled him saying that I already had some stuff with my friends that evening. She felt crestfallen; she arranged the plate and came to me. As soon as she could say something I said “go away please.” She said, “You’re a big girl now, hasn’t it been long since I made you eat with my hands ?” I ignored her, grabbed my headphones and darted out of the house for a ramble. It was midnight, she was still awake sitting in living room waiting for me, I went in my room and jumped into my bed. I felt restless, took turns, yet seemed though I had committed a sin for which there was no punishment, as redemption. -Next day I woke up, got ready for school and tried not even to look at her. It was my inter-school competition that day. She wished me luck but I didn’t reply. I performed my best that day and bagged the first prize. I was curious to show my achievement to her now, as I always did. In the course of joy I nearly forgot that I had an altercation with her last night. On my way coming back from school, someone in bus informed me, “dear, your mum is no more. She was one her way to our school to congratulate you when she met with an accident as a truck rushed into her car.” For a moment I felt numb as if I had lost all my senses, I could not breathe, all my organs were going dysfunctional gradually, I could not cry for my eyes gave no response, my mind had refused to give me reflections. The bus stopped halfway and somehow I managed to get down although my vision was blurred. I tried to focus on the road when I saw a body lying amid the crowd. I hurried and ran; felt that I had gone void of legs. There she was with the smile on her face she gave me last night, her eyes closed. I touched her face, it was so cold. She was around a pool of blood. That was too petrifying. She opened her eyes just to tell me that she was taking her last breath, as she said, “love! I got to know you won! I’m so proud of you! I have always loved you and will always do till the doomsday! I’m with you. Never feel alone sweetheart! Take care of your dad and brother. Tell them to be happy always and I’m sorry for I fought with you last night. Before going I want to sing it for you – I have died every day waiting for you, darling don’t be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years.. I’ll love you for a thousand more!! And all along I believed I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me. I have loved you for a thousand years..And I’ll love you for a thousand more!! – I’m sorry dear for I fought with you last night. Please do forgive me. I love you ” ... And there. She was gone. It was her favourite song. I felt as if I had lost everything. Memories of her affection flashed in front of my eyes. She stood up awake all night when I was not well. I told her to clean my room but she never demanded me to clean even a speck of dust. She slept on floor just to make sure I was comfortable on couch. I remembered the day when I took her arm, just to make it my pillow; no one could give back that beautiful feeling to me. She made me, moulded me. Where ever I was standing today , all because of her. All these awards were now crap for me when the person for whom I got ‘em was no more. I gave up the idea to live. I wished to get myself placed in an inferno. I was responsible for her death. Had I not fought with her last night, nothing could have happened. I wanted her to listen me saying “you’re the best mom in this world”. I demanded for a holiday with my friends but she never took off from her household work even for a day. We slept when she did dishes; we hung out and watched TV. when she prepared for meal. She was the one who gave me courage to face every challenge even when my dad gave up on me, she still had hope that I was one of the gems made by god. She just gave her sacrifice and love in return of everything whether it was good or bad. Having a last glance at her face I fainted there itself with tears flowing incessantly. -I woke up with a sudden jerk and felt my pillow and bed sheet all wet, my eyes paining of crying for so long. I was still crying even after knowing that it was a nightmare. I shivered and scurried all over my house like a maniac. My conscience got pricked as I halted in front of my parents’ room. I went inside with overflowing tears. I wanted to sniff as my nose was flowing too, but I didn’t want them to get an idea of my presence. I approached her side of bed and thanked to god that I got her as my mentor. I lend my hand on her cheeks and kissed on her head swiftly. Yeah! She was in a deep world of dreams like a small baby as she didn’t sense my touch, then I drifted away to touch her feet. I ran outside, still crying and pulled my head into the blanket, with my heart still pounding hard until I woke up the next day and apologized to her for the last night. I gripped the chance of saying her “you’re the best mum in the world and I love you immensely!” before it was too late as it happened in my dream. She was concealing her tears now, but I caught her still pretending to give the same smile which she had all the way from last night and in my dream! -- Ashtar
Posted on: Thu, 20 Nov 2014 13:11:49 +0000
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