... the way the term self-esteem is used is actually a misnomer. The first half of the expression, self, would seem to indicate that esteem, the second half of the expression, is derived from one’s self. Yet if we look closer, we find that most people seek a sense of worthiness from that which lies outside of them. For a student, it might come from good grades; for a businessperson or worker, it’s derived from a promotion or a raise; and for most individuals, praise or acknowledgement provide a temporary increase in esteem. Our society generates billions of dollars in revenues from inducing people to seek the quick fix of vanity as a means toward feeling better. Yet none of these actually contribute one iota to self-esteem. Ironically, they may even get in the way. Other Esteem Since the self-worth described above is paradoxically sought from external sources, we confront a dilemma: What we call self-esteem is, in fact, other-esteem. Admittedly, being approved of or valued by others may make us feel good, but if we betray our authentic self in order to achieve these results, we decimate genuine self-worth. Some individuals become people pleasers and go to great lengths to keep the peace or avoid displeasing others. In such cases, they are not invested in properly valuing their own sense of self. The self becomes subordinate to others’ considerations. Our culture as a whole induces us to conceal aspects of our genuine self – as we are taught to hide our insecurity and vulnerability – and mask it from others, which is utterly destructive to our investment in our self.
Posted on: Mon, 29 Jul 2013 23:56:28 +0000