#wingsforyouth I am not afraid of what people will say about these videos, but I am absolutely terrified of what people will think and not tell me. Because, in my opinion, the silent judgement is a lot worse than the confrontation, because in the confrontation, at least you know that the other person had to summon up some sort of bravery and courage to come approach you. [...] I am a pretty busy person, and that is my choice. I go to a really intensive engineering school. Im taking almost the maximum amount of credit hours. All of my classes are math, science, and engineering which kind of gets really exhausting. I have two part time jobs. [...] Im a yes person: If someones asks me to help them, I will most likely say yes. And its not because I can help them. I dont have the resources to help them. I dont have the time to help them. Its because I want them to accept me. And to need me. And I need to prove myself to you. Even if i have no idea who you are. I need to make myself useful. This is going to send really weird, but I need to have no free time, because Im afraid of not having a life. Im afraid of not being missed by my friends, and by people I work with, and by people I know. Because if I have no time to hang out with them, then I have a reason for not being included. I can fool myself into thinking that the excuse is that Im always busy, instead of thinking that Ive been forgotten or left behind, because Im absolutely terrified of being left out. This isnt anyones fault, its my own defense mechanism to prevent myself from being and feeling alone, because I dont even let myself get to that point. And Im not blaming my friends at all. To all my friends out there, thank you so much for being my friend because I make it extremely difficult to be my friend, so I really value all of you guys and I know I dont tell you enough. Also, Im sorry if Ive ever excluded you. Please know that it was not intentional and the best way to be included is to ask, because I know that its scary, because I am afraid of being forgotten too. - Emily Wong
Posted on: Sun, 24 Aug 2014 05:30:12 +0000
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