09/25 Watching people chat about the new line up of fall shows on TV I am so deeply aware of just how much my journey, atop everything else, has been a series of losses. Friends, family, job, career (which I was doing really well at), play (no movies, no vacations, no day-trips, no lunches, no new shoes or clothes, no whimsy, no “fun”, no anything that requires money) … and now the last visage of connection with what is happening. I had to give up cable a few years ago, but (and I thought it was the FCC that required them to do this) the cable company let me have the four basic networks (ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox), plus PBS and CSPAN. I missed the History Channel and Discovery, but I managed to adjust to that pretty quickly. But this last loss … loss of daily news and those few evening shows I liked and … Football … this last one has been a real poke in the eye. AND I sometimes wonder (and sometimes fear) how much more I will have to loose before I’m down to nothing left to loose. Home? Cats? Car? When does this brain illness reach satiation? When has it consumed enough? When is it done being hungry and eating up my life? When does the slide away from life and society and people stop and the return journey begin? Then I have to remind myself … quit wanking you wanker … * I have three truly amazing and committed professionals dedicated to my healing, dedicated to reversing the effects of brain-broken. * I have a sister who pays for my phone each month (wow what a gift). * I have a brother who sends me money to help pay my dentist (wow, another amazing gift) * I have friends who pay for my groceries each month (what a true and amazing blessing they are to me).
Posted on: Wed, 25 Sep 2013 17:03:23 +0000
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