10 Office Rules: 10. Never walk without a document -- People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like theyre headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like theyre headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do. 9. Use computers to look busy -- Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These arent exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but theyre not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defense is to claim youre teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. 8. Messy desk -- only top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like were not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last years work looks the same as todays work; its volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document youll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives. 7. Voice mail -- Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People dont call you just because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. Thats no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know theyre not there -- it looks like youre hardworking and conscientious even though youre being a devious weasel. 6. Look impatient and annoyed -- According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give off the impression that youre always busy. 5. Leave the office late -- Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read. Make sure you walk past the boss room on your way out. Send important e-mails at unearthly hours (i.e. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays. 4. Creative sighing for effect -- Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure. 3. Stacking strategy -- It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor, etc. (thick computer manuals are the best). 2. Build vocabulary -- Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they dont have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive. 1. MOST IMPORTANT -- DONT forward this to your boss by mistake!
Posted on: Mon, 02 Dec 2013 10:45:54 +0000