11 years ago today, McKenna Claire Wetzel was born and our family was made complete. 11. I cant believe that my little girl would be turning 11 today. Buying the decorations for her birthday celebration, it was hard not to dwell on all that has been lost. Our child, her future - graduations, marriage, motherhood.....all gone in the blink of an eye. I know that I tend to dwell on the negative, the loss, when I write. I dont mean to, but so often the grief is overwhelming and this is the one place I can express it. But today I will try dwell on the positive, on the gift that was given to us on this day. I will focus instead on the lessons my beautiful, spunky, funny, old soul of a little girl taught me. From the time she was born, McKenna was my wingman (as we affectionately call it in our family). She attended her sisters first soccer practice at 5 days old, and was the one who sat on the right hand side of the back seat as we schlepped Jordan to school and practices. Macky was the one who would volunteer to go food shopping with me when no one else wanted to. I still glance back in the rearview mirror occasionally, half expecting to see her smiling face. I love both my girls with all my heart, but Jordan and I often clash because we are so much alike (and not in a good way, as I often tell her). Jo and I both tend to be pessimists, to let fear get in the way of happiness, to be hesitant instead of plunging in. Not McKenna. She jumped right into life and took all it had to give. She really and truly had a shine about her, even from the time she was a little girl. Macky could be silly and sassy and rock the attitude one moment, but was also wise beyond her years. There was a serious side that was quiet and contemplative, but she was just as comfortable being the center of attention. She was at peace with herself in a way I have never been. Both sides were evident before she became ill, and they stayed with her until the very end. People often tell us that they could never do what we do with the foundation if they were in our shoes. I can honestly say that I would have said the same thing if the roles were reversed. But you see, I had this amazing kid who lit up our world with her smile, knew how to make me laugh, and loved me with all her heart. The only way I can honor her life, and her death, is by trying to be just like her. So I try, every day, to do just that. I try to enjoy the moment, to be braver in times of challenge, to be more open to the world around me. Some days I come close, most days I fail miserably, but one look at her face, and I know I have to pick myself up and try again. Happy Birthday, Macky...Mommy, Daddy and sissy love you and miss you with all of our hearts. Your life, and your loss, have taught me so much about courage, love, and life. You brought nothing but joy to your friends and family while you were here, and you continue to change the lives of others through your story and the work of your cell line now that you are gone. You experienced life more fully in (almost) 8 short years than most of us ever do. Though life is so very hard without you, I would never trade the pain if it meant not having you. I am so very proud of you and thankful every day that I had the privilege of being your mommy. https://vimeo/71751643
Posted on: Tue, 05 Aug 2014 18:40:59 +0000
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