12 Lessons from Dr. Wayne Dyers Your Erroneous Zones Lesson 12: Choose Freedom Over Dependence, Part II In yesterdays Change of the Day we reviewed Part I of Chapter Ten in Your Erroneous Zones by Dr. Wayne Dyer entitled Declaring Your Independence. Today we will explore ways to free yourself from any unhealthy psychological dependency that you may be experiencing with significant others in your life. Before we can begin the process of changing the dependency cycle, its critical to become aware of the possible areas where it is showing up in our lives. Here are some of the examples Dr. Dyer gives of dependency behaviors: 1) Feeling unable to leave the nest of your parents or leaving it with bad feelings when you finally do. 2) Thinking that you are obligated to visit, call, or entertain someone (usually a family member). 3) A constant need to ask for someones permission to do something. 4) Convincing yourself that you are stuck in your job or in any significant relationship like a marriage. 5) Playing a role in a relationship that you would rather not play. 6) Feeling embarrassed by someone elses behavior or opinion. 7) Allowing what other people say, feel, think, or do, hurt you. 8) Letting your happiness depend on someone elses happiness. 9) Taking orders from someone. 10) Letting other people make decisions that you should make, or always asking for advice before you can make a decision. 11) Hiding behaviors that you dont think would meet the approval of someone. 12) Using careful language around someone, so you dont set them off. Why do we act in these self-defeating ways around the important people in our lives? Here are some of the negative psychological payoffs for dependent behavior: 1) Not having to take personal responsibility for what is going on in these relationships. 2) Having convenient people to blame when things go wrong in your life. 3) Being stuck in these patterns offers handy justifications for not having to change. 4) Feeling that you are being a good person by pleasing everyone else. 5) Freeing yourself from having to make your own decisions and life choices. 6) Its easier to be a follower than to stand up for yourself or going along to get along. Here are some ways Dr. Dyer suggests to liberate yourself from your unhealthy dependencies: 1) Write out a declaration of independence listing the new freedoms you will be pursuing. 2) Discuss these behaviors with those who are on the other end of them and enlist their support in helping you change the relationship. 3) Never be afraid to say no to someone or no to something you dont want to do. 4) Act the way you want to be treated. 5) Dont allow disapproval to rain on your parade. 6) Be aware of when avoiding someone is another way they are controlling you. 7) Be financially independent. 8) Dont take orders from someone and dont give orders to someone else. 9) Speak up for yourself when you need your privacy. 10) You dont always have to do things as a couple or as a family. 11) Find things that you enjoy doing alone. 12) Its not your responsibility to make another person happy (its theirs). You can break free of self-defeating ways of relating to people. Get started today! We will conclude our review of Your Erroneous Zones tomorrow with a Bonus Lesson on how to help you let go of anger.
Posted on: Thu, 13 Mar 2014 07:26:17 +0000
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