14 mins · Edited · How to be a Good daughter or son In-Law or a despised Outlaw...(Lantern Lane c.2015) In a day and age where it seems anything goes in relationships, and standard protocol and traditions seem to have gotten lost somewhere, I wonder do we even know what manners and expectations are when we greet the inlaws to be??? Are we teaching our kids how to develop healthy relations with their future inlaws, and also teaching them how to treat their spouses not only when they are engaged, (when the granduer of butterflies and love exists, and everyones trying to put forth their best side) but forever? Heres just a few major important things that every person should know to make an easy transition for all involved, and especially tips on treating your spouses parents and siblings! 1. First and far most, always remember that your spouse to be, was your inlaws favorite son or daughter long before he/she was yours. Family will always be a part of their lives. (True you are starting your own, and a man should leave his father and mother an cleave unto his wife) but you cant just assume because you won their heart that they need no further interaction with their family. (Further more neither one of you really own each other)! 2. Traditions of your future inlaws are what keeps them unified, and connected. Thinking one can go in and change those family traditions, or resent them, is not a great way to mix into your new family to be. Some of their traditions you may not like, or sometimes it may be against your religious beliefs etc, in these cases manners and pleasantness of why you might not participate are usually graciously received. Rudeness, or unkindness is never a good way to win the hearts of those who your spouse loves and adores. (If it doesnt sit well with you, find a service you can do for them, or entertain new nieces and nephews if they are there etc. 3. When visiting with future inlaws to be, it can sometimes be a scary moment, as you are going to be part of that family, you want them to like you, and you want to make a good impression on them, at first say less then you think! Do ask them questions about themselves. Show interest, be a good listener, and by all means dont try and monopolize their son or daughter, as if you owned them. Keep your feelings in tune with the tones in their home, you will have plenty of time to spend with their son or daughter, but this is the time for you to get to know them! 4. Know your boundaries!!! Never ever sarcastically or any other way put down their son or daughter just to reveal how imperfect you think they might be. Sometimes people do this out of insecurity. They make another feel small to make them look better, smarter, or funny. Its never funny to the parents or siblings of your future spouse to do this. Remember, this is their precious sister or brother, son or daughter! Know your boundaries too on whats okay or not okay to do in their home. Take the hat off, sit up straight, dont get snoopy or nosy ever. That is their house, their property, just because you marry into a family, does not give you the leeway to be entitled to anything. Respect them and respect boundaries. If you dont know ask? 5. Selfishness is never okay. After marriage too often the walls of decency come down, and one or the other wants their time with their folks or with their spouse , at family get togetherness etc. these get togethers are probably usually not that often, and are to build the bonds with extended family. In times like that, be part of contributing positives to the group. Reach out, and most of all Give Love to everyone more then you resent! Sometimes you may have to take a step back and be a better listener then just gabbing to gab! You can feel comfortable in all situations if you have the desire and put your wants and needs on the back burner for a bit and go for the betterment of the whole group! By the way...real manners is helping someone else feel comfortable in their own homes! Put self aside and think of others!!! (Good rule alway) 6. If any are going into a 2nd marriage and the spouse has children, this adds a whole new dynamic to the scenario. This is a good one to teach kids when in Rome do as they do. Teach them politeness and manners (hopefully long before they enter someone elses home.) if the kids go in demanding to be entertained, expecting to have what they want, be it food, entertainment, or to be served as if they are kings, they may find real soon that the inlaws will resent the visit. Also again, teaching boundaries of where they can go and where they cant go, and to also put aside their kid wants and learn how to be a good guest in someone elses home helps all feel comfortable. Respect is everything! 7. Offer to help, offer to serve, be a gracious receiver ALWAYS!!! Always give thanks. say it for all things the inlaws may do for you! 8. Treat their son or daughter the same way you would want your kids treated. Always build up your spouse in front of the inlaws. Build the inlaws. (Yes some have inlaws whose lives may be despicable, however, everyone is fighting a battle, help them, serve them, lighten their load, love them for who they are. Find the good in them, as we find what we are looking for! ) 9. Have them teach you what they know! Be interested in them, and this may take some humility and patience, but can become another commonality you may share! 10. Allow them to give you advice especially in your marriage. If they have been married a long time, chances are they may know a thing or two. Most of all dont complain of their sons or daughters faults that you have so readily noticed, but find ways to communicate in a positive manner, maybe even ask them have you ever had a time you felt like this...what did you do? How did you overcome etc. 11. Love those who God has placed in your path, both your spouse and his/her family all play a role together! True some families are toxic an in those cases you will just have to decide how frequently you see them, but even then, love, stay positive, and realize they play an important part of your wonderful partner! Im not going to go into how to be an outlaw, but all I can say is forget the things mentions above and chances are you will have dug a pretty big hole for yourself, and those kinds of mistakes are harder to bury, fill in or mend. watch our ways and neverNEVER intentionally try and hurt those that your spouse call family!!!
Posted on: Sun, 25 Jan 2015 09:55:02 +0000
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