14 years ago was a special day in our lives. The triplets arrived in a fashion that was anything but normal. My children are at an age like other children where they question their parents love. They need not worry. Being in the delivery room was an experience that still haunts me and has changed me. Baby A ( Tara ) and baby B ( Kevin) were only 1lb 14 oz. Baby C ( Caitlyn) was 1lb 6 oz! 3 months premature they were ready but I wasnt. Tara and Kevin came first but were immediately rushed to nicu. I was able to hold Caitlyn for a few seconds. It was like holding a newborn kitten. I could literally see right through her. The euphoria I felt was short lived. Within minutes the babies lives were in danger. The doctor came to me and said we needed to talk. I said lets wait for my wife before we make any decisions. His response will never be forgotten. He said we can but the children will not be alive by then. We had minutes not hours to decide whether to try an unknown experimental drug cocktail or risk the children dying because their lungs could not support them. It was 3 am. I looked to everyone around me and even called my sister Diane for a clear answer. Through our tears there really was no choice. I had never faced a choice like this in my life. And I hope I never do again. I did what I think most people do when faced with life and death decisions. I prayed. I asked God to take me not the children. I prayed then I signed the waiver allowing a new drug to be tested on our new born children. It still haunts me that the side effects are something Tara has to live with forever. My only comfort is that they are alive. That i get to see them today. I never got to thank the doctor or the researchers or the drug company who gave my children a chance. Health care in America is broken but one night 14 years ago it worked. But broken or not I am glad we live in a country that believes every life is important because two years earlier my children would not have had that medicine! And so today I hope my children know that I love them. That I loved them from the first moment. That I would do anything for them. That God is watching over them and expecting great things from them. So if I am a little melancholy today I hope you understand. Its a day of great happiness but a side of me still grapples with the decision I made.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 12:51:12 +0000
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