1678 #sad #guilt #thefirerises Im a pretty big guy, I deadlift - TopicsExpress

1678 #sad #guilt #thefirerises Im a pretty big guy, I deadlift 5 times a week. In terms of strength I am considered an elite athlete but despite my powerful physique I still feel like a hermit sitting in the shadows. I feel like I am always wearing a mask, and it is holding me back from being myself and meeting new people. Sure I have some close friends who are loyal to me but only because I pay them to (yes I pay for friends)... I was always a loser throughout highschool and now at Uni I feel like no one cared who I was until I put on this mask. Sometimes I think to myself, if I pulled off the mask; would I cease to become all that I am? would I die? It is an extremely difficult and painful process for me to even think about this. Sometimes I wish I would get caught, so that I could end this charade and crash the plane that is my very existence.

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