2-14 Oz. Cans Pork & Beans 1 Cup Lettuce-smashed 1 LB Ground Beef (May Substitute Turkey, Lamb, Pork, Stray Cat or late night barking dogs) 2 Large Bags Doritos 1-3-Lb block cheese of your choice-shredded per instructions Spray 2 large sheets of aluminum foil with Pam, place unopened can of pork & beans on each sheet. Roll up sheets loosely around can and tape with duct tape. Wait for UPS truck to make a neighborhood stop and place one wrapped can under each drive tire. Stand back and wait for truck to depart. Retrieve now flattened packages and place on grill over low heat. (Note: Remember to remove cans before serving). Un-wrap the refrigerated cellophane protective wrap that you wore in the front row at the previous night’s Gallagher Concert. Remove and save one cup of the lettuce that he smashed with the giant mallet, making sure to separate any watermelon that may have gotten mixed therein. Set aside and let breathe for a few minutes. While the lettuce is freshening up, thaw selected meat product on the manifold of your new Hustler Lawn King Mower, turning from time to time to avoid scorching. Once thawed, place meat directly on the exhaust muffler for approx. 7 minutes per side, turning once. Leave meat in place until it reaches 170 degrees. for medium rare. Mower is to remain running as it will be needed to shred the cheese. Dig around in garage until you locate the vice that came with the Black & Decker Workmate that you gave your 2nd husband that year for Christmas. Place block of cheese in vice and prepare to slide under running lawn mower with the green plastic leaf rake that you use to get those plastic buckets down from the garage rafters. Make sure that (1.) The Mulching blade is installed on the mower and (2.) That you have secured a Hefty garbage bag to the mower discharge chute. Proceed shredding the cheese until you start to see the green tips of the leaf rake start to mix with the newly shredded cheese. Don’t overdo as we are looking for just a garnish of shredded plastic similar to a hint of orange peel zest. Place Dorito bags under car tires and roll the car back and forth until crushed to the desired gradation. We prefer a bias ply tire with a hint of road salt. If road salt is out of season, add sea salt to taste. Remove hefty bag from mower, crumble meat in to bag along with the lettuce, pork & beans and Doritos. Secure bag with duct tape and tumble in clothes dryer for a few minutes on low heat. Serve in a plastic bucket from the garage (hopefully you got one down from the rafters before ruining the leaf rake). Excellent with a fondue dish or as an accompaniment to a slug of Jell-O shots!
Posted on: Sun, 30 Mar 2014 02:14:59 +0000
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