2 months ago I was staying at the 346 Alexander aka Lookout Emergency Aid Society , at what must be one of the cities lowest barrier shelters. My buddy Kyle spent days on the phone trying to get me into decent shelters, as I had no clue. It was two months ago today that I started making big changes. First, I knew I had to get on the methadone program. The drop from the suboxone was done too harshly, too fast, and the withdrawals were too intense. I knew it was only a matter of time before I got high. So in a moment of some clarity, I headed to Dockside, saw dr Horvath, and hit the welfare office across the street hoping to get help with pharmacare. I then proceeded to get a hold of every person I knew that was clean or in some sort of recovery. Lucky for me, my buddy Aaron had a friend whose ex had a recovery house, so we did the impossible, in 3 hours, we got me approved for basic IA ( shelter only, no support ), an emergency grant ( 20$ ) and somehow managed to get all that paperwork sent off to A better tomorrow. My friend Britney was kind enough to drive me out to Newton, and I started calling the 12 step fellowship help lines until I managed to convince someone to pick me up and take me to a meeting. Checking in with Onsite became a huge problem now though. In an effort to get myself out of the DTES, id complicated my life in regards to getting into Onsite, a place that knew me, full of staff I trust. But that PHS mantra we come to you as you are or something to that effect prevailed and phone checkins would do. It was discouraging. Every day I was told I was at top of list. Everyday I was told not today. So every morning, the bus from IHS pharmacy ( George Wosley slumlords pharmacy warehouse ) would pick us up, and drive us to get our methadone. Met an awesome guy who fronted me smokes for a week, till finally I got a few bucks. Got up at 5 am that day, now the 20th of March, and headed out to the bank. Picked up his money, ran to the Senior house, woke him up, paid him for the smokes, and walked back and got picked up soon after once again by Britney for a ride downtown. Got in nice and early, hit Dr Horvaths office for a RX renewal, still a micro dose, but enough to keep me from getting sick. Lined up outside of Onsite for what felt like hours, and finally the doors to Insite opened up and I went inside. Check in or IR room? Check in please. I saw Pete, the intake worker, who told me again, top of list, but today there was only one intake and it wasnt me. I was defeated. I was so defeated and depressed I hung around in the chill lounge at insite for a good 2 hours. I had no where to go, best case scenario was getting a ride to newton with my friend and staying at the recovery house. I was feeling that being in surrey was hindering my chances of getting in here. Reluctantly, I called access central and the surrey detox and put myself on other waiting lists. I spoke to my vic services worker who advocated for me as well. Finally, Pete came out, and said things hadnt worked out with the admission, and asked if I still wanted to spot. Heres where the disease gets you. I turned him down. Dont ask why, it made sense at the time, but i really cant give you a good reason other than I had been turned down and had just resigned myself to the fact I wasnt getting in. I went out, lit a smoke and realized how self sabotaging I was being. I ran back in, frantically looking for Pete. He was no where to be found. Signed up for a last visit to the IR room, took some prescribed pills and proceeded to inject them. As I finished, I spotted Pete, to my huge surprise, the bed was still open. But I had to be quick. Its almost 2 months later and here I am at Onsite. Still clean, still actively participating in both my physical and mental health, and I know im on the right track when i remember to be grateful for that day and everyone since then. Id been to Onsite once before, and before long, the details of how i got in got really fuzzy. I dont want to forget this time. This is the last time, Im playing for keeps here. Its my life at stake. Im over the rainbow happy I stuck around. Theres been more than a few moments when I got tired of the hurdles and almost packed it in and left. But I didnt, I persevered, and im stronger emotionally and spiritually than I ever remember being. My life is a giant mess still. I live in the 100 block of east hastings, treatment lists are long, I may be here for some time. I just hope that i keep my shit together to save my own ass, and show people out there whove read and followed my journey that these programs the PHS run do work, they do save lives, they are worthwhile. Im in a good position to find recovery now. Im in a good place to deal with my hep. Through my blogging Ive created a support network that reaches almost 30 countries. Ive made friends, Ive connected myself to support, to resources, you name it. Im a lucky man with a lot of problems. Cheers, have a great day, and thanks again to everyone whove made my stay and life here a little nicer :)
Posted on: Wed, 14 May 2014 15:18:22 +0000
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