#2040 Just a post to vent out my stress with, I cant hold anymore or this shit inside me. Basically, my lifes a pile of shit. Every single f**king moment of my life have no purpose, no drive to move on, no goal to reach, just one bloody page of endless white. Lifes harsh, I know, what Im going thru, what Ive been thru, every single thing I remember from my past can be summerized into one word - SHIT Lets start from the beginning, from the time when I am able to think. Age around 4 to 5 if I remember correctly(possibly younger) I was, generally, a lot smarter than other kids(not to brag or anything) I could understand combinations of alphabets faster, I could pick up new languages just by listening to conversations between people(and I dont mean just a word or two) but 1 thing that I didnt have and everyone else did was a place call home. No, Im not an orphan. I have a family, but theyre just people who share similar DNA. I am, at this young age, alone. My parents had to work late every night and my grandma, unlike the ones youve seen in cartoons or what not, absolutely hate me(without any solid reason I could think of) would always (4 out of 5 times) go and hang out at some restaurant leaving me(age4-5) alone at home. Age 7-12 At this point, I started primary school. I am woken up(yes, WOKEN up), unvolunteery of course, at about 5am every morning by my ever-so-lovely grandma where Im forced to do housechores ranging from doing the laundry to preparing brunch(since primary school usually starts in the afternoon), sweeping and moping. My grandma never allowed me to eat at the table with her and my sister during the absence of my parents, so I usually eat in the back like a servant. And after I finish cleaning the plates and cutlery, Ill have to wait for my turn to use the shower while ironing my school uniform. After that Ill attend school, come back, homeworks, sleep. Now this may seem normal for some, but here come the shitty part. At one point in time, while I was working my ass off drying off the clothes I saw my sister(older) enjoying herself on the sofa watching tv. So when my grandma asked me to do the chores at one point, I refused and told her to ask my sister instead. Instead of what people usually expect an elderly person to do, insist or what not. She went and picked up the broom, and beat the living daylight out of me. From then on every time I did something wrong, therell be blunt force trauma happening. This soon affected my studies as well, I had to stay up until 2a.m just to finish my homeworks where Ill be waking up again the next 3hours. Of course my parents knew nothing about this at the time, because everytime I tell them something, the following day is gonna be WWE the whole damn morning till I get to school. And then theres one time when I finally had the time to watch tv, mom got home, saw me watching tv, then comes my best friend the rotan. After that day, every single day of my f**ked up life, morning WWE,afternoon homework not complete - hands out to the executioner in school, night caught relaxing - rotan;). This shit was repeated till I graduate from primary school. People say lifes hard for the poor, we were average, and I f**king disagree! P.s Recently my mom and I got into an argument and she asked whether my primary school taught me any morals(I did not say anything to her at that time as a form of respecting youf parents). And Im please to say that it did and what did it help change in my life? It added more shit to the ones Im already in. An example would be the time when one of my siblings did something wrong and didnt want to admit, so I, with so much moral values learned from school, decided to step up and take the blame for him and got my ass whooped. After that anything similar that happened automatically gets point at me. Yay. More ass whooping, such morals. I am going to stop writing here. Still tons of shit weight in my mind, just dont have the will to care anymore.
Posted on: Tue, 29 Jul 2014 13:45:33 +0000