21/8/13 as written in my diary highs and lows its our wedding anniversary today baby 14 years of marriage I woke up at 5am like a shot something wasnt right your bed was empty I run into the kitchen and your stood there mumbling and drying the pots the scary thing is I didnt hear you get out of bed and the worst thing is you could of fell over I feel so guilty you are relying on me to look after you 24/7 your care welfare hygiene everything and I didnt hear you ,you didnt want to go back to bed so I put my bed away and made us a cuppa e exchanged cards but you didnt know what was going on we put up the cards but you kept asking why they was up and whos birthday it was so we took them down as they was causing you to much stress as you didnt understand what was going on your restless so we go into the room and you sit in your chair by 7am your asleep (at this point Adi wasnt to be left at all so if I needed the toilet shower anything I had to get someone in to sit with him I had to stay in the same room as him at all times so we had baby monitors at this point next to his bed and chair) I wake you up and get you into bed the nurses came and gave you a wash and shave as I hadnt had chance at this point (I usually have adi up washed and dressed ) you slept through it all you woke at 2pm the dr rang to discuss the hours you was awake (pain management restlessness personality appetite stability) I said that its not fair on you as when your awake its not quality of life as you was so tormented in turmoil your so anxious she rang the hospice to discuss this with the palliative care consultant they are changing your haliporodol (this is meant to calm the person as the brain tumour can change the personality of the person and they can become aggressive anxious ect through no fault of there own they cant control it (to something else as they could raise your original dosage but you would become zombified and I said no find something else so they have they offered to take you into the hospice for observation I said ABSOLUTLY NOT (I was so scared that if adi went in there he would give up because he may think I had given up on him and because they kept trying to pressurise me into putting him in there for rest bite I was scared they would never let him come home and I wanted to spend every second of every waking moment with him) so they have altered your medication you was asleep on your chair by 3pm you was up and about at 645pm happy and content but the agitation kept creeping in you got on your bed at 9pm but was back up and about at 910pm your up and down every 10 mins tonight but happy I offered to take you out but you declined we decided not to order a take out as we felt guilty as you couldnt eat that any more so we all had the same as you (soft foods) you watched a film (passenger 57) with the kids while I laid down for a cat nap when I woke up an hour later we all watched demolition man we then got you into bed I made my bed up and fell into it I laid awake thanking our lucky stars we had made it through another day I held your hand through the bed sides and thats how we must of fell to sleep xxx
Posted on: Thu, 21 Aug 2014 07:23:08 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015