30 Days of MSA (month of March is MSA Awareness month) 4. Certainly I know I did not do this to myself, it did not abuse myself, but somehow it all feels like I am being punished. Punished by being kept on a disability so small I struggle to eat well enough, so low I cannot afford to socialize even if I found the energy. Punished by not being able to travel, or to take part in the world professionally as an artist either because I lack energy to promote or the funds for materials. Punished by being made very aware that I am no longer part of the community, made to feel for the most part that I should hurry up and die already. Infuriating because with just a bit of help I could be useful, but I cannot do it alone. So kept alive but not actively living. Originally I was told I had 2-6 years friends were willing to stick with me until it looked like I was not going downhill as fast as advertised, and very quickly I was down to just a few people (my kids mostly) who checked on me regularly. Im well aware I am very ill and I will not get better, I also know my mind will keep on working as if I were healthy. Much of what looms ahead is more of the mundane. To end on a positive note - a goodly part of my life is lived through my mouse. I play games on Facebook, the kind of social games where Ii have met lovely friends on line. There I am as well as anyone, I can edit and share photographs, stories and artwork; I can for the moment forget that I am not “normal” and fill the many hours of the day which are solitary with virtual friends to pass the time. thanks to social gaming I have pets to play with, built and run towns and countries, there are farms to farm, hotels and restaurants to run; I am a powerful vampire and battle empires, while also pirating the seas. -- previous notes at: https://facebook/notes/aletta-mes/30-days-of-msa-awareness/10152235479847179
Posted on: Fri, 07 Mar 2014 04:37:41 +0000
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