30 November 2012 How can you recognize a gynaecologist? Hes wearing a watch above his elbow. 29 November 2012 German tourists walk around London. - Listen, Hans, do you know how they call this river? - I have now idea, but in Köln they call it Rhein. 28 November 2012 Wives can be only one of three kinds: 1. Pretty, but unloyal. 2. Loyal, but ugly. 3. Pretty and loyal, but inflatable. 27 November 2012 - Have you heard? Professor Mr. Smith from our apartment house is a gay! - Waw, what a surprise! I have been sleeping with him for half of a year, but never knew he was a professor... 26 November 2012 New Russian says to a doctor after he gives his diagnosis: - Doc, you have to make the decision. Either I will live or you will die.... 25 November 2012 During the international exhibition at Hotel a Spaniard was accommodated next to Swedes room and at the evening he took a bottle of wine and knocks on Swedes door: - Whos there? - Juan Fernando Emanuel di Silva. - Come in, and please let the last one close the door. 24 November 2012 Jokes about Chuck Norris are not funny, but all are afraid not to laugh. 23 November 2012 Those, who go to sleep late, are called owls. Those, who wake up early, are called larks. And those, who go to sleep late and wake up early, are called Angry Birds. 22 November 2012 How do you when a politician is lieing? - His lips are moving. 21 November 2012 Two men sitting in a bar. A waiter comes and both order beer. One shouts the waiter back: - Just please, in a clean mug. Waiter comes back with two mugs of beer: - Which one of you asked for beer in a clean mug? 20 November 2012 In a drug store: - Sorry, that is impossible. We sell potassium cyanide only with prescription. Just a photo of your mother-in-law is not enough! 19 November 2012 - I drink beer to easy the digestion. I drink liqueur to expand blood vessels. I drink vodka for disinfection. - And do you drink water? - No, I dont have such a disease. 18 November 2012 A guy comes into a bar and asks the barman to place 10 mugs and fill in with the beer. The bartender places mugs and starts filling them. The guy follows him and drink beer immediately. The bartender asks: -Why are you so in a hurry? -If you would have, what I have, you would be also in a hurry. The bartender steps back a little bit and asks: -And what do you have? -Somewhere around 70 cents. 17 November 2012 Men are having a good time in bar, only one of them sits sad. - Peter, why are you so sad? - My wife was diagnosed AIDS... Man, just kidding. Why all of you got so scared? 16 November 2012 Dad, I want a ring-shaped roll! - I also want ring-shaped roll, but only have money for vodka... 15 November 2012 Take my advice. I dont use it anyway. 14 November 2012 Plants discuss: Broccoli: It seems to me that I am like a tree. Walnut: And Im like little brains. Mushroom: Ha, but I look like an umbrella. Banana: I do not like this conversation... 13 November 2012 - I drink beer to easy the digestion. I drink liqueur to expand blood vessels. I drink vodka for disinfection. - And do you drink water? - No, I dont have such a disease. 12 November 2012 - Why did you leave your last job? - Company relocated and didnt tell me where... 11 November 2012 Dont condemn nudists - they were born like this. 10 November 2012 - John, look at this sad chicken, maybe we should boil her? - ok, if you think it will cheer her up. 9 November 2012 A doctor of a small village drives a car at 150 km/h. His wife: - Honey, why are you driving so fast - there might be a policeman around the corner and he would stop you. - Dont worry, darling, yesterday I told him to stay in bed. 8 November 2012 - What a freaky query - thought the database and stopped working. 7 November 2012 A lady rebels at a man, who is immodestly staring at her in a bus: - Mister, you are staring at me as if you were undressing me in your imagination. - Excuse me, lady, in my imagination I have already dressed you up and now having a smoke. 6 November 2012 An officer asks a lady, who came with a request for a financial support: - What are the names of your six kids? - Volfgang, Volfgang, Volfgang, Volfgang, Volfgang and Volfgang. - But how do you call them for dinner? - Simply, I call only once – Volfgang! - But what if you want to call only one of them? - I call them by their last names. 5 November 2012 A psychiatrist congratulates his patient with a progress in treatment. The patient: Do you really call it a progress? Six months ago I was a Napoleon and now I am nobody. 4 November 2012 The patient: Do you really call it a progress? Six months ago I was a Napoleon and now I am nobody.My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house. So I did - the middle one. 3 November 2012 Im going to change my Facebook name to . Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits. 2 November 2012 A man drank - forgot everything, a woman drank - reminded everything. 1 November 2012 Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she notices four legs instead of two! She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once shes done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. -Hi darling, he says, -Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you have said hello to them. #kingT
Posted on: Sun, 23 Nov 2014 06:15:20 +0000
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