36 years ago today, Elvis Aaron Presley, the King of Rock, died on the toilet. Curiously, history reveals that Elvis was hardly the first king whose reign ended while he was on the throne: 30 November, 1016: Edmund II of Anglo-Saxon England, nicknamed “Edmund Ironsides” for his ceaseless battling against the Viking invaders who were popping up everywhere in England in the early eleventh century. Seriously, they were everywhere; upon coming home, Edmund Number Two went to do a Number Two - and a dagger–armed Viking hiding in the royal privy (by which we mean a hole with a couple of planks across it) delivered two upward stabs which proved fatal. King Edmund’s sides may have been iron, but his bottom proved less durable. 4 August, 1306: Wenceslaus III of Hungary, Bohemia and Poland. Good King Wenceslaus should have looked out when he briefly left his bodyguards behind to go and take care of some personal business. Disputants to his claim to the Polish crown had him murdered, with a spear, in the garderobe, probably by Colonel Mustard. If you, like me, ever envisioned this Christmas-carol king as some kind, grandfatherly royal figure, you might be surprised to know that he was seventeen at the time of his death. 25 October 1760: George II of Great Britain. After a night spent overindulging on grapes and figs, this 77-year-old monarch woke up with such bad diarrhea that his subsequent exertions on the “close stool” ruptured his heart. George Number Two, what did he do? He gorged on fruit, and he died on the loo. Finally, the Old Testament relates that, at an unspecified date, King Elgon died in his “summer closet” – a Biblical euphemism for the small room where the chamber pot was kept. That makes five. Call it a royal flush.
Posted on: Fri, 16 Aug 2013 22:18:32 +0000
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