365 days today! Going to celebrate by taking the family to Day Out With Thomas. I have so much to say and not enough time in a day to say it. Most of you have no idea how many changes I have really made in my life. You praise the stuff that happens on the surface but the real struggles are internal and beyond what any one person in the physical world can help me take on. It takes a lot to overcome the things I have along with take on new challenges that sometimes make people push themselves back in the hole even deeper. I am here for anyone that needs to talk or find focus in life. People think that addiction and depression is just as simple as finding something better to do. Well it is not. It will consume you then throw you down a rocky cliff. The people that are close to you can easily seem so far away. It is hard to stay on track when driving something that is by nature all over the road. Then converting your life in to something society deems normal is a real trip. Once you get a sign that your position is accepted, you have to learn to maintain your new found existence. From the day you truly commit to making a change everything becomes different. I like when people think it is just as easy as well now you are doing well just enjoy it and keep up the good work!. That is nice and someone taking the time to actually say that is very important and appreciated, but, it is not that easy. Every day for some of us is a struggle and there is danger all around. I am one who does not care to dwell on it. I like to be a forward thinker. I dont do AA meetings and stuff like that because it is more depressing than going out and just doing something else. I have always taken things head on in life. Anyone who has known me for years would witness to that. Some might say I am an extremest others would just say I have a high level of awesomeness (this has been told to me so I am not making that up :P). In the past, when it came to learning my parts for bands, taking on a new adventure, committing to making a change or helping someone - I stand strong and push forward as hard as I can while keeping my reach hyper-extended. If anyone ever needs to talk about their struggles and where they are but would rather be... please just get in touch with me. I suffer from depression every day and instead of be a downer I choose to be sarcastic and try to have a good time all the time. I do not judge based on honest weakness. We are all human and deserve second and sometimes third chances. I will not sit here and say that I am the perfect person that everyone should follow but I will say that I feel I honestly have begun a life of leading by example. I have taken on so much in one year that sometimes can take an entire life to achieve for some. My dad sobered up a bit late in his life then died from heart attack. I wish he could have been around for us to enjoy our sobriety together and finally have the talk. I never got that talk and it bums me out every day of my life. I dont let it bring me down. I remind myself that maybe, just maybe his passing was part of the grand design and that is why I have my beautiful son and the drive to keep my chin up. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred. It is a basic law of physics and something I believe in. We all need something to believe in right? Well if you read this whole ramble I love you too. :) Thank you to my close friends and family that have understood my troubles. I admire that you did not let certain things affect our relationships and gave me the chance to show what I can do. This is still just the beginning... Ill post more soon. Maybe someday I will have the courage to really get in to what I have been through. You have no idea unless you were there.... and some of you were and still are there. No more time for me... time to go enjoy Day Out With Thomas with my family!!! WoOoO WoOoOoO!!! (I apologize to those of you who got this far and are annoyed that I didnt proofread any of this. Screw FB societal standards...)
Posted on: Sat, 23 Aug 2014 14:19:49 +0000
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