5 years ago, the world stopped turning & I felt as if all my breath had left my body. In shock & broken-hearted, I left my dads house to go back home & paced, fell to my knees in prayer, paced some more only to fall to my knees, bury my face in the carpet, weep & pray some more. It was a never ending cycle for many hours, I couldnt talk, I could only cry. My Uncle Cris & Aunt Teresa came as soon as they could get there, & as they prayed with me some more, I knew we were going to make it. I am so thankful for the guiding words of my uncle....that it was ok to be angry. God had really big shoulders & could handle my anger, and angry I was. I was so thankful for the words of advice from many but my Uncle Sam & Aunt Terry as they called to love us from Michigan, letting us know they would be there soon, also made me believe....made me know without a doubt that we would get be able to get through this. My Johnanna helped me up when I would fall, fed me when I wouldnt eat & made sure my JJ was taken care of. (I am so thankful for the help of many who Ive thanked or at least hope I have but are too numerous to name. There are so many random memories that go through my head on days like today.) More family/friends followed & the next day I had to be at work. In our line of business, cut out stops for nothing. The next 2-3 days were a blur & the only thing I can remember is pain & praying. (And while sitting at the bottom of the steps at the factory waiting for the next boat to come cut out, John Mark, having gone through this himself, being completely real & explaining to me that it just f-ing sucks & its ok to feel that way) All of a sudden one day I woke up & I could breathe again. It took a lot of time, a lot of support from loved ones & so much prayer but I knew without a doubt that God would not give me anything more than I could handle. I miss you everyday daddy, but Im ok because I know youre there. I know you are in the place I strive everyday of my life to be. The place I am teaching my son & daughter that they want to live for. I still feel your love, your guidance & your laughter. Most days are wonderful happy days that I know you are watching over us. Yes, there are the days like today that I just want to cry, & I will, but I also know God will pull me through today just has He did yesterday, the day before that, the weeks, months & years before that. Its been a crazy, wild, rocky 5 years, but we have made it this far with a lot of love, prayer & support & we will continue our journey until the wonderful day we see you again. Thank you for raising me to believe. To believe in God, Heaven & life. To believe in the goodness of people, to believe in love, peace & happiness. To believe in prayer & the power it brings, the pain it releases. The everyday has become easier, many moments are just as hard or harder, the major milestone dates are much harder, but Ill take that, because I know, that I know, that I know that I will see you again. ❤️ I love you daddy & I am so grateful for the influence you have on my life. ❤️
Posted on: Sat, 13 Dec 2014 15:26:16 +0000
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