## 59 if only you are my mothers husband or if you are my father too... The man i respected as my father turned out to be the man who left us with a question? a question if only my mother was truth enough to disclose. He was a divorcee with two daughters before he met my mother. I never asked about how did they actually meet but i remember my mother telling me the story about a journey from Phuentsholing that brought them together. He is highly honored man in the society who earned handsome salary and lived decent life. May be its out of no option that my mother married him or may be it happened like it happens with every one of us. when i hear from my uncles and aunties about them, their first day of togetherness started with provocation from my mothers siblings. not just because he was a divorcee, it was under their understanding that he will leave her one day, not so far but no ones words could make even a slightest difference as their fates were intact but the very result is to cut off the relation between her family to support their relation. She is not that kind of woman who can ignore her family for happiness of a man who sometimes can betray her but, the bitter truth when i heard from her was by that time i was one month old in her womb. There was nothing strange in their relation till i turned out to be six, my schooling started from one of the best nursery schools till i have finally completed my 6th grade from Lango Lower secondary school. I may have something to tell between 6 years till i completed my 6th grade but those were just the memories that keeps haunting me all the time. A night shattered all my dreams, though i could understand something called break down in fate but one really pressed me down. 13 years of their togetherness had nothing to say nor did i hear but the last word i heard from a man i thought as a father really pressed me down. As he picked his things to step out he dropped these words “She has been cheating on me, i am not the man you think of me, you are seeded by her boyfriend before she met me, I shall not reason out why did they land in separation but shall i not claim to be his own son? She may cheated him, i may belong to someone else but what was there that i should be punished for nothing done? my next grade though started but with a battle, i had to answer many questions to be promoted to next grade, i was asked all the times those questions i didnt actually have the answers like Is he really not my father? Did she really cheat on him? and many more that disturbed my mentality for so long. A life with single parent is not so difficult but the notion of having no father is unbearable, though he had his claim but it was later known that he returned to his previous wife after repeatedly invited by his two daughters. for the first one year i used to hear from some businessmen who often go to Phuntsholing that he works somewhere there but that was the last time i heard about his whereabouts. Three years has been passed like it used to, i never missed my father as she played the role of both but her eyes revealed that she still waits his return one day. she though consoled me every time i talked about our father but it was indeed to console her own heart that drowned in the sadness of missing a person who is needed the most to let grow the seed of fate between them. It happened like it was suggested by her siblings but they werent ready to accept her mistake, they were just like other villagers to me and i was then a point for them to accuse her. Tash Doubotsu di (see that bastard). I needed help, i was not having wearable shoes to go to school, i needed uncles and aunties to buy me new school uniform so that i could change my old faded one, i was expecting one of them to play role of my father than accusing me every time they happened to see me.In chaos and traumatic situations i completed my 10th grade with adorable percentage to continue in government school. I fulfilled one dream of my mother but fate ruined it for the second time. 3 months later, though she was sick and later known to be a Blood cancer she fought fearlessly with cancer for two months but she could not escape death to prolong her live. She has been consulted with doctors but not just as every patient does, though instructed to go to India to get her blood changed, there was no one than me to fill up all the procedures required. most importantly its beyond someone’s imagination for a family who hardly survive in a villages corner to have managed a huge sum of amount to go to a city. uncles and Aunties believed her disease as light as cough and cold, there was no hint where i could find the man who was bit approachable than my uncles and aunties and meanwhile i was witnessing my mothers death painfully and hopelessly. she left me one evening, she left me forever and ever, She didnt receive kind of prescribed treatment, she didnt eat kind of food a blood cancer patient should eat, she didnt receive love and care she should have received and finally she was turned into ashes as cruel as no human other than my uncles and aunties acts. Her funeral rites has been performed just for the sake to save their names tough i wished something better, my so called father dint even bother about what was happening with me then. i lost my only mother to natural factor along with my career with time. instead of sincere, honest and intelligent Pema, Dhug house captain in Drukgyel High shool, instead of one topping Biology, physic, mathematics and English in Drukyel high School, I was the arrogant, ignorant and uncivilized goon involving in gang fights, robberies and many more in every where possible. Locked up several times that eradicated my fear of going to prison, the more i was locked inside, the bolder i became, the harder law seemed, the tougher i became and the more they were, wilder i acted. That character lasted with me for so long till i was caught in the crime of daylight robbery and locked up for long two months for my repeated offense.Though these things are committed to earn my livelihood, though i have a reason to justify, for the crimes committed, law rules the same, i was found guilty and punishable, policemen were sick of pardoning me, everyone in the office wanted me to be locked for longer time to reduce a number of pity criminals from the locality and reduce their work load. But for me prison is as good as my home, i dint see any difference in my home and prison after my mothers dismissal. the additional entertainment i got in prison were i need not had to worry about something on my dining table and seeing increasing number of people coming in easily but struggling hard to get out once locked. Ones inside cries out loud seeking sympathy and those related outside struggle. Most importantly something was proofed wrong when i came to study people like me, there were thousand of stories unheard behind the bars. people say ignorance of law is not excused but everyone inside were not just who ignored laws but there were also some who were forced to do so. it is after all like that of an Adam eating an Apple from the garden of Eden. Though in human life, some relations are linked strongly by the echoes of blood relation, some are linked with the series of misfortunes. Some sons are confused to select colleges to pursue their career while prison is the only room that can accommodate some sons. some sons are intelligent but worthless, while some sons are worthless but intelligent, some sons are useless while some sons are used less, like wise some fathers are real father while some fathers never cares...... Two months for my crime and additional month for making fun of law, I was to be inside for three months but emotional back mailing is the best technique used every time. Only under a condition with chief commander of Police, i was released, the condition states to not to reflect anything in my clearance certificate and to be obedient and sincere in return to them and to myself after all. With his help ended everything in my life, my poor love story and my in human character when i was enrolled as a student under financial support from Tarayana Foundation, i started all over again from class 11, selected to study History and geography than to practice maths and physics. it was simple for me to made through class 12, it was though hard but not as hard as my life once upon a time to have obtained my degree certificate from Sherubtse college. AND now after completing 25 years of tiresome journey of my life, i realized i shouldnt hate 2 of my half sisters for their invitation because they might have went through the same pain i suffered. i shouldnt even hate him as no one can over write on our written fate. life is interesting, there is nothing that human being cant over come, you may be a divorcee, you may be an orphan or you may be born in the poorest family, the only thing you should have is the right notion to live and in course of making your living, everything is fair enough to have done and acted. This time is when i am bold enough to prepare a message to the parents of world Stop victimizing us, we need some sun shine, some rain, some joy and some happiness as we want to grow up in the same way you all grew ~call me what ever
Posted on: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 08:12:01 +0000
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