6 Mistakes Married Women Make That Lead To Divorce 1. You talk to friends about the rotten thing you think your husband did to you. Research suggests that friends are often more upset when they think their bestie is being mistreated than when theyre experiencing the same mistreatment themselves. Besides, most of us dont really understand how our conditioning and wiring as women differs from our husbands conditioning and wiring as men. Thats why conversations about men with female friends often lead to husband-bashing that helps nobody. 2. You think that talking about these problems with your husband is the answer. All too often, women think that talking to our husbands is the way to make them see how their behavior affects us. If the behavior doesnt change when we first bring it up, we want to talk more, longer, or louder because we think maybe they didnt get it the first time. One of the biggest pet peeves for men is that feeling of being nagged or badgered, especially if they dont know what the problem really is. Also, the rules of polite, kind, nice conversation that women try to follow often come off as indirect, manipulative and mysterious to men. Women often conclude that their husbands dont care because they havent changed after a particular conversation. The solution: learn communication skills designed specifically to talk with men and spend more time doing fun activities. 3. You believe that your happiness depends on your husband changing. Research has shown that happiness does increase when your husband changes for the better, but that change originates with you. Paradoxically, the women who focused on becoming the person they want to be, rather than on how to get their husband to change, were happier down the road. The solution: focus on being the best you. To understand more about the art and science of being happy. 4. You live parallel lives. Living parallel lives with your husband is the slippery slope to disconnecting completely. The bonds of marriage thrive on having interest in one another, working toward common goals and spending time with one another. Couples who are trying to reconnect after their children have left home often come to realize that they dont know each other anymore. The solution: take the time to know whats important to your husband and let him know whats important to you. 5. You focus on whats wrong. One of the most difficult scenarios I come across is a couple in which one or both people are stuck viewing each other through a negative lens, expecting the worst. Our brains do a wonderful job of seeing what we expect to see, and we are much more likely to view our husbands as doing everything wrong when we have developed a negative view of them. A relationship coach can help you regain a balanced view. The solution: balance your concerns with a positive view. A relationship thrives when we see our partner through rose-colored glasses. 6. You utter these deadly words: I deserve ... These words need to be banned from your vocabulary. The mentality that goes along with using these words includes a form of entitlement that kills the softness needed for a couple to cherish one another. Saying I deserve is inherently a demand. Its very different from knowing internally that you are worth more, and having the communication skills necessary to ask for more. Knowing what youre worth helps you inspire your husband to cherish you. The solution: focus on knowing your own worth. Get clear about whats important to you in a relationship, and learn how to ask for it. Its not just us men who makes mistakes... both men and women, its just a matter of humility, knowing and admitting your own faults and mistakes, and by doing so, you will be able to change for the better. Theres a saying that you should love and accept someone for who they really are, but that doesnt mean that you dont need to change, if you love someone, learn how to change for your better half in order to have a long lasting relationship... and make God the center of your marriage and your family life.
Posted on: Sun, 12 Oct 2014 11:03:03 +0000
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