62. No need for an end of the world after all “Sergei.” I hear a soft voice come from behind me. It is a sweet voice, and a tender one that I have been in love with for a while now. I love it for so many of the honest and pure loving words that have been shared with me in that voice. It is not her doctoral voice; it is Faith’s intimate voice. We both turn and she is just behind me with her hands up in front of her pressed together and crouched. “Faith you are a good woman, but you must understand, I cannot just let him talk that way about my sister.” “Sergei come with me I want you to come and see your sister now and talk to her Dead Boy will take care of this.” She is gentle, almost pleading, but in such a soft and sincere way it would probably be hard for any person to deny her a request, no matter how unreasonable, in that voice. Dante is still panting and looking angrily towards Sergei, and so when he lowers his gun and turns walking towards Faith saying, “okay I will let him handle it, this time” I stop him. “Sergei, let me borrow your gun for a minute.” All of their eyes widen. Faith’s almost instantly turn to slits, and she grabs Sergei’s shoulder and starts to drag him away as soon as he hands me the gun. I turn it back on Dante. “Let’s take a walk.” I say to him in a cruel unfeeling tone. I know that every person who can manage to get at one has their face pressed up against the windows on this side of the bus and fully as I had anticipated there is a clamor of movement from within it. I turn the gun on the folding door to see two of the jocks that came with Dante rush down the stairs and onto the blacktop. “Both of you turn ass around and head right back up those stairs!” I keep the command short and turn the gun back on Dante. Nick comes off of the bus next. “The same with you Nick I don’t need any help with this one.” “What are you doing?” “I am fixing the problem.” I am automated in my response. I cannot take all of this I need to be detached and cold, so that is how I will be. If I have to make an example out of one to control the others I will. “Don’t do this, Dead Boy.” Nick says a note of pleading in his voice, but I know what I am doing. Or I think I do anyway. “Just relax and get back on the bus with Kim and those boys Nick I have this covered. You too Anton, get on back to the car.” I turn my head around for a second and see the aged priest squint his eyes and bow his head slightly for but a moment in ascent and then he retreats to the Cadillac. “Okay Dante, just us two, nice and comfy then? Let’s get moving, head that way.” I indicate shaking the gun in the direction of a small clumping of closely packed tall pine trees away from the road in the median, which is a regular fixture in this area. We are only a few paces away when I hear the door on the bus slide open again and then a soft thud. I don’t have to turn around and look to guess but I wait until we are several more paces away to address her. “This is none of your business either Jill.” After I speak I turn for a moment. Dante is quaking and seems like at any moment that he is likely to swoon, and this gives me the impression that I am not going to have to keep a gun on him every second while we are ‘Fixing the problem’. “What do you think you are going to do Les? Kill him, have you really changed that much? Or are you just going to abandon him out here? This is not you.” Jill has always had this way of talking through me; forcing me to submit to her logic by not giving me a breath to defend myself. “No this is exactly what I have become Jims. You can tag along though, might as well have a witness for this.” At that exact moment Dante starts to cry. It is soft sobbing but it annoys me. He may be scared, but I am tired of his kind of cowardice. He is bent on self-preservation; he would probably knock his own mother down to get away from a zombie if he had to. I am most irked that I owe him my life. Well sometimes you have to accept it might be time to go and pay the piper. “Shut up you damn baby!” I say curtly to him and then nudge him on with the darkened steel barrel of the pistol. “Where are you taking me?” Dante asks blubbery. “See those trees?” I ask him pointing with the pistol. “Why are we going over there?” He has to stop and heave to catch his breath and regain his composure. He can’t seem to go on alone. I have to ask Jill to help him along, she is looking at me with contempt but also a curiosity, I sense that she knows me well enough to know that this scene is probably going to play out for the best. I certainly hope it does. “I am taking you over to those trees because of those children on the bus; I don’t want them to see this. We have to get one thing straight, Dante, before we proceed down the road together, and we are going to get it straight right now.” “How is this going to solve anything Les?” Jill says. The sound of my own name grates on my nerves. “I guess we will just have to find out.” I stop as I look down the other side of the interstate across the dividing median. There are only a few speckled cars down its expanse. This place is quiet, it should do. The trees were actually planted like this on purpose, it is supposedly to keep people focused on the road but I always knew it was so state troopers could hide easily in the median and catch speeders. I guess it doesn’t matter why it was made anymore. It is the way it is, now. We walk through a Crown Victoria sized hole between the trees and I veer off to cut us off from the view of the others. I walk a few paces and stop turning towards Dante. “Let him go Jill. Back away please.” I say as politely as I can muster. Dante grips her shirt. He wants her as a shield; I don’t blame him this seems like it would be a pitiable fate. “Les, don’t do this.” Jill pleads all anger extracted or buried, impossibly gone but gone all the same. Her face is sad and filled with wide-eyed fear. “Just back away for a moment this won’t take very long.” I say with a reassuring smile. Dante seems to have gained his composure because he lets loose of Jill’s tee shirt sleeve. He had been gripping it so tightly it is wrinkled where his fingers had twisted in it for some twisted sense of security. “Here” I say and taking two steps reach out and place the pistol in Dante’s hands. I back away and then gritting my teeth I rip the right sleeve off of my scrubs top. “If we are going to start getting rid of bite victims, start with me!” Dante takes the gun in puzzled hands and stands there fumbling it in shock for a moment, but steels his resolve and tightening his jaw turns it on me. I show him my arm, not that the scrubs hid my scar, or any of them. He stands silently holding the gun on me for a moment then lowers it. I practically snarl at him, “Do it!” I almost actually want him to. I want him to know what he is asking me to consider at least. He does not lift the gun again. “You may have been bitten but_” “No there is no but, just do it, kill me. If you are going to take care of all of these people you are going to have to get rid of everyone who gets bitten, right?” “It is just inevitable.” I know that for Nina it is. She will probably not survive the night. She has been unable to walk on her own all day and now she seems to have lost her ability to speak. “Then you might as well put me out of my misery.” “It is not the same for you.” Jill interjects. “Why? What makes me special? I did not ask to be like this.” I did I think, but that is not the point. No one actually expects that prayer to be answered. “You ask me to get rid of Nina, and look her brother in the eye or her daughter in law or her son. what about her grandchildren? Don’t you see? If we start killing each other now soon there will be nothing and no one left.” “What if she turns?” It is a valid question, but I was bitten to and I want to keep the focus of this conversation on that as much as possible. The truth is I don’t know how to deal with the problem of Nina’s rapidly deteriorating condition, but I can’t just throw her away like she means nothing. “What if I do?” I say in reply and cross my arms very proud of my logic. “Look you don’t understand. You don’t know what kind of trouble that could bring us, right now we are all awake but what if she slips away while we are sleeping, or when we are all distracted? She could bite someone else before she is put down. Then we are back at square one with another bite victim.” Dante is not a bad person. I know he has seen some horrible things without asking him. Maybe he even had people he was trying to protect turn on him. We have, I think back to Mikael, by the stacked cars and bodies at the foot of the Sunshine Skyway. He turned so fast. Then Sergei shot, and it was over. I did not even see what they did with the body. I didn’t even know him. “So, do you want to kill her or just leave her to die here on the roadside like some diseased animal?” I ask spitting venom at his lazily gripped gun. It is loaded. The safety is on, but if this guy wanted to he could kill me as I speak. “No…not that, just quarantine her.” Dante says much more quietly than he would normally. He is composed again though and now holds the pistol down at his side. “Well that is not going to happen.” I say with finality and turn from him. I jump when I see the way Jill is looking at me. She is staring at me kind of dreamily; she shakes her head as if to wake herself. “You know he is right Les, to some degree.” I don’t want to argue about this anymore, I know the consequences full well if we let her live and slowly go the way that Mikael and Toby went. I just can’t see treating her as if we are so damn sure she is going to die. “When the time comes I know what I have to do. I don’t want to hear any more of this before then, Okay?” I look to Jill and she nods without hesitation. Then I turn back to Dante, he is looking at the gun in his hand. I walk in front of him again. “Is that okay, Dante?” I repeat pushing my face into his view. “Fine” he says and thrusts the pistol back to me and starts to stomp off back towards the bus. “Dante” I shout at him, and he jerks his head around. “Don’t lose your cool when you get back on the bus.” I smile at him and stuff the pistol into my scrubs pocket. I start to follow him but Jill walks into my path. “Jill, we need to get back. Come on lets go.” I say trying to push past her. “Wait up a minute; I want to talk to you.” She says in that tone that she used to reserve for only when she was really infuriated with me. “What is it Jims?” I ask with a note of sarcasm in my voice, she does not like it when I use that nickname; she hasn’t since we had broken up. I assume that it is going to piss her off and she will storm off after Dante. Instead she crosses in front of me and smiles in a familiarly wicked way. “Don’t use that name unless you mean it.” she says in a sultry voice, and rests her hand on my chest. She smiles up at me, “So what is going on with you and this doctor, huh?” She gets closer I can smell her perfume right through the smell of dried blood and sweat, and even through the thick smell of hot pine sap. “Everyone on the bus talks about the two of you especially that little Asian girl and her boyfriend.” “We have been with them nearly since the beginning. Look Jill I don’t know what to say, I have moved on.” “You don’t think this is fate; us meeting like this?” I do think it is fate, cruel twisted laughing-its-evil-ass-off fate. “I just can’t think about that right now Jill,” I push past her and take a few steps then stop, “You had the opportunity to be with me from the beginning of this. Did you actually go into the house and look at me? Or just trust Brian and Lynne when they told you I was dead already? Because they were wrong, I wasn’t” “I…Les I don’t know what to say.” “You can start by not using that name. That kid is dead. It is Dead Boy now, no more Les okay?” “Okay.” She tries to smile but her lower jaw quakes and she turns and begins to sob into her hands. “I am glad I found you Jill, please you have to understand, that we have to be just friends okay?” I really want her to understand, but truthfully I can feel the same since of euphoria in her presence that pervaded our relationship before. I always felt like our relationship was a dream, that one day I would wake up and shake my head and she would not be real. These days I feel like that should happen at any moment quite often. Of course I did wake up from that dream. This one seems to pass the pinch test. “I understand…Dead Boy.” “Come on let’s get back” I say and then start to walk off quickly. “If you change your mind, I will be around.” She says and then waits until I am across the field and almost to the caddy before heading for the bus. I never want to talk about that again, what an uncomfortable conversation. That is exactly why I am truly not thrilled when I get in the driver’s seat of the Cadillac and Faith is staring at me intently. “What was all that about?” Faith asks in a quiet even voice. “I had to teach Dante some manners.” “No I get that, what was the little conversation with that girl afterwards about?” I really wish I had taken the time to explain the whole finding Jill episode and the fact that she was my ex-girlfriend. “Jill and me we used to know each other we went out a while back. She is just confused because I…well you know…sort of saved her.” “There is no -sort of- about it Dead Boy. If the chore had been left to my nephew and the others we would have probably just passed that ditch full of zombies by.” Anton interrupts from the back seat. I forget sometimes that there is absolutely no privacy on the road. We have been sleeping in a huddled mass since we left the Swangate. There has been barely a private moment to speak with Faith. The opportunity I had to tell her up front about the situation with Jill has passed. I had let slip away. “You knew her before the invasion?” Faith says in a quiet even tone, it is questioning but in no way accusatory almost as if she is just asking to be polite. “Yeah” is my pretty pathetic reply, the low hum of the engine interrupts our conversation a moment while I get the car back on the road, we cross the median because it looks clearer in the east bound lanes. Then she continues. “She was the girl that Brian had mentioned?” “Yes.” He didn’t really mention her too much mostly just that she existed. “Oh,” she says softly almost a whisper and that is it. She shuts her mouth nods to herself out of the front glass and then touches my thigh with her hand looks at me and smiles. I wish she would say more than that. I would almost rather she were mad at me, and yelling at me. It seems like hours of silence after that in the car. She does not hold her smile long as I pull the car into gear and we start to follow the bus again. She stares vacantly for a long time out of her window and the car is ominously quiet. I assume that she is only holding her tongue to wait until we have privacy. I cannot believe that she does not care that my old girlfriend just showed up like Mario out of a sewer pipe. We must be getting close to Escambia bay and the sun is very red and purple mixed in heavy black and white clouds to the west I cannot stand it anymore. I look over at Faith and she is still staring out of the window. She has been like this for hours. She has literally not said a word since that one. No one else has either and that final hollow round single syllable has echoed through my mind ever since. I can’t take it. Finally to break the unbearable silence, I repeat the one note statement back to her as a question, “Oh?” She looks around at me lazily, then realizing I had been speaking to her she repeats it again, “Oh what babe?” As if returning from a daze she sits up straight and stares at me trying to fully open her eyes. I think she may still be feeling the effects of the marijuana, but that was so long ago it doesn’t seem possible; unless maybe it was her first time. “What is the matter babe? What is on your mind?” It is as if she hasn’t given it a second thought. I can’t believe that she has not made the slightest accusation or at least asked a hundred questions by now. “You asked me who that girl was and what she wanted and I tell you that she was my ex-girlfriend and all you have to say is oh?” “Well in that case I meant, oh, what exactly did you two talk about?” I instantly recoil, for some reason I always think I am going to ask her questions because I want to know the answers to them , but the truth is I don’t I should really learn when to shut up, “I told her that I was…you, I mean with you.” I stammer. “Hmm…she already knew that when she introduced herself to me; so why did she want to talk to you? What did she want?” She doesn’t really seem mad. Even though her questions are accusatory she is still smiling the red is gone from her eyes. She seems very tired. “She thinks it is fate…the two of us meeting this way again.” “Kind of seems that way to me. It might be fate.” She says sternly her smile melting away over the course of the short speech and then her lip quivers as if she is attempting to avoid crying. Oh, now I can see it. She was mad but dealing with it without causing a scene in front of these people and I really wish I would just shut my own mouth sometimes. “That’s not the way I see it.” I say somewhat defensively. “Why? I mean it would make sense if you still had feelings for her. Finding her like that, you are telling me you don’t feel anything for her, Les?” and there she said it. Very few of these people ever use my real name. Faith does pretty much whenever she wants and that is okay with me. I didn’t like it when Jill did it. I am not in love with her. I am not truly loyal to any of them. I know I want to help them but if it was between helping them and keeping Faith safe, there is no choice to make. I already know where I stand. “That’s what I am telling you, I don’t have any feelings for her. I would be sad if she died but I only really love you.” It sounds stupid when it comes out but I am willing to back it. Its sound. “It was a bad breaking up?” The curious, very sharp, and stern voice of Ana interjects. I forgot again for a few moments we are never alone. “No we were still friends, it just didn’t work out. She was not happy with my life choices. But she was with my roommates and best friends as it was all happening, as I laid there bitten on my floor dying.” I think back to what Brian had said. “Brian had thought she was dead. He saw his wife taken away. They were separated from each other by a large group of zombies. That was not long before he showed up at the High School.” “That is another point in the case for fate.” Faith says twisting her lips a slight bit as if pondering the idea. I do not like where this conversation has went. I think I would prefer the silence. “Your friend, Brian, he was not with you when you arrived in St. Petersburg.” Anton chimes in. “No, he saw that wave coming from the south and he…did not want to run anymore. He said it was the end of the world, that there was nowhere safe left to go.” “So far he has been right.” Ana adds. Not that it really needed to be said. “So, why are you so certain that you don’t want to be with her?” Faith asks smoothly getting back to my subject for me. “Her and me, that was over long before all of this. I even think she had been seeing someone else for a while. But that doesn’t matter to me. Seeing her did nothing to change the way I feel about you. Faith smiles again softly. “That is why I said oh.” “Oh.” I look back at the road and the bus and tow truck in front of us as we are starting to come into a more developed area then back at Faith and I stare into her beautiful eyes. Her smile grows and so does a slight red flush in her cheeks. “Dead Boy, watch out!” Anton suddenly screams from the back seat. Sergei had slammed on the buses brakes and its emergency exit sign and rear bumper are rapidly approaching my face. I pull the steering wheel left as hard as I can and jam my foot into the brakes. They want to lock up, but it is a well-built car and it screeches and the tires whine loudly and the smell of burnt rubber is prevalent.
Posted on: Sat, 15 Jun 2013 01:50:10 +0000
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