7 Good Reasons Zimbabweans Vote for Mugabe! Posted: 12 Jul 2013 12:49 AM PDT Zimbabwe Elections - Robert Mugabe Cartoon As Zimbabweans take to the polls once again this year, Robert Mugabe appears confident of another victory in the country’s allegedly fair elections. No doubt, the world’s media outside Zimbabwe will castrate poor Bob for humbly trying to extend his 33 year rule, so Wonkie thought it only fitting to offer an alternative perspective on the matter. Below are seven good reasons why Zimbabweans are likely to support Mugabe in his 2013 election campaign: 1. Fear As luck would have it, for many, the need to stay alive with most of their limbs intact is quite a strong motivating factor. While the elections in Zimbabwe may be fair, Mugabe losing the election will most certainly not be. 2. Senility Wonkie’s research indicates that many Zimbabweans stopped remembering new things quite soon after Mugabe liberated Zimbabwe just over three decades ago. New things like a collapsed economy, ruined infrastructure, etc. For them, the Zanu-PF and Mugabe will forever be their hero – freedom fighters, not unlike Nelson Mandela. This senility phenomenon is not confined to Zimbabwe, and in fact, has started rearing its ugly head in South Africa already too. 3. Science You don’t need to be an academic genius to observe the strong downward trend in Zimbabwe’s general well-being over the last 30 years. Many in the sciences, and in Zimbabwe, believe that nature follows cycles, and are convinced things will turn around shortly. Sure, Zimbabwe has gone through a tiny rough patch, but Mugabe deserves a chance to rule while it’s on the up too… it’s only fair that he should. 4. Morbid Curiosity Come on now, surely you too must be curious to see how long a mental 89 year old will last at the helm? What unusual decisions will Mugabe make next? 5. Money The world may not like it, but Zimbabwe has produced more billionaires in the last few years than the entire western world put together. Granted that you’ll need a few million Zimbabwe dollars to buy a loaf of bread, but let us not take away from Mugabe’s epic achievement. Those that have enriched themselves under Mugabe will also see no reason to vote for Morgan Tsvangirai of the opposition MDC. 6. Growth Many lateral thinkers in Zimbabwe will vote for Mugabe because unbeknownst to non-lateral thinkers, Mugabe has been following an ingenious strategy that is proving to be quite successful. Wonkie’s inside sources have discovered Zanu-PF documents that indicate that destroying Zimbabwe’s economy is actually part of Zimbabwe’s 100 year plan (and you thought only China had those – ha!). By creating the very real impression of hardship in Zimbabwe, Mugabe has legitimately been able to dispatch millions of enterprising Zimbabweans to invade neighbouring countries through emigration channels. Slowly but surely, all of Southern Africa will soon belong to Zimbabwe… – mwahahaha! 7. National pride Wonkie is not talking about fickle citizens, easily swayed with political rhetoric like: “We believe in Africa for Africans, Zimbabwe for Zimbabweans.” Robert Mugabe is one of the foremost African role models for true dictators on the planet. These are becoming a rare breed indeed, especially after the fall of Libya’s Muammar Gaddafi. If nothing else, some Zimbabweans will vote for Mugabe because they are proud of their ruler. Who knows, with their help, he might even take Zimbabwe into the history books as the country with the first centenarian leader. Now, how cool is that.
Posted on: Fri, 12 Jul 2013 12:58:11 +0000